So I always thought i would eventually do a suspension. I always thought it would be one of those things that I want to do, but never actually do it until years later. I am a student studying at university, I don't have a lot of money, I am not entirely sure where my life is going. Suspending did not change any of these things. It did not make me realize I have a higher purpose in life. (It helps that I do not give much thought to those sorts of things and faith in general). I would not categorize my first suspension as a ritual of sorts, however, I am beginning to think more about that now. What it did do however, was help me enjoy my life again.
At A Glance Author Aiwass Contact burningmercury22@hotmail.com IAM Aiwass When Three months ago Artist Andy (mostly kind of) Studio random building Location Sudbury I was never the kind of person to be depressed, or upset, I am generally a happy girl. Until my first year of university. I honestly don't know what my problem was, I was quiet, disrespectful, and fairly selfish, compared to the energetic, happy, sarcastic person I was before that September. Nothing happened in order for this change to come about. I was even excited to go somewhere new. But I lost myself, I realize this now. I was too focused on being accepted by my peers, and by the opposite sex. At the time of my suspension, my relationship, now over, was pretty rocky. I did not want to accept this, and I think it would of been the only hang up to my experience. That being said, it is only recently I have realized the affect my suspension had on me, at the time I thought it was just for fun, for the experience, and to say i did it.
Writing this experience, currently, this is the first time i have acknowledged my change in personality. It happened, and I knew it happened, but at the time I didn't care. I had a boyfriend, and apparently, nothing else mattered. My suspension, looking back on it, helped me realize these changes in myself. It helped me begin to reclaim who I used to be.
I first learned I was doing a suspension when my boyfriend at the time attempted to hid it from me as a birthday gift. I was pretty excited, as I didn't think the opportunity would come so soon. It would be in Sudbury and my favorite piercer Andy would be basically half running the show. I was happy I was doing this with people I trusted. Anyway, the day came, and I was totally sick. Like, can't get out of bed to make french toast as a surprise for the bf so he did it while I lay dying in bed. I was pretty scared I would miss my chance. I ate and felt a little better, had a shower and felt worse. It was almost time to go, so I took a lot of advil and hoped for the best. Thankfully, the fresh air really helped and by the time we arrived at the location I felt a lot better. I really wanted to go up early, but I was shy around lots of people I didn't know, another thing I would not have done only a few months back. I eventually approached and asked to go up next.
This is where the fun started. Andy drew up a grid on my back, as I was doing a 4 point suicide. He messed around with my skin for a bit and then I was asked to lie down for my hooks to be thrown. Everything was very sterile and pre-autoclaved. I didn't feel the hooks at all. It was even a nice feeling. Of course I think I could almost say it was pleasurable. I felt a sting at one point because of difficulty with the hook. After this i got up and talked and drank some juice while the rig was set up. I was the first girl to be suspended that day. It was cold in the room and so I was given a sweater while my ropes were tied. I was being coached by Marty, but no offence, I didn't think I would need very much help getting up. To me, the hard part was over. As soon as i started walking back and forth, I let go of his hand and just jumped up. It was a pretty awesome feeling. I came back down shortly, to organize what I was feeling mostly, and then I was back up. It was great, I was kicking off walls and swinging around, almost hitting people. Everyone was cheering me on, and I just felt amazing. After a while I came down for good, although I'm not sure how long I was up. Probably 20-30 minutes. The worst part for me was getting the air pushed out. It hurt. I watched everyone else happily, and I was lifted off the ground by my boyfriend, which made me feel really connected to him. afterward we all went out to celebrate, and we went to bed too tired to shower.
We showered the next day, sleeping was sore, but I was also still sick. I loved the look of holes in my back. I had a lot of air in my back still, and over the course of the week I could feel air pockets in my neck. It was gross and awesome at the same time. It sure scared my friends, who are very unmodded, but supported me all the same. All in all, I am still trying to figure a lot of things out, but my suspension helped my remember who I was, and how much I need to be true to myself.