My ex-lover play pierced me years ago at a play party, and it was a truly eye-opening experience. I expected it to be sexy and interesting; I didn't expect the visions I got, the vivid experiences of another place. I went someplace deep within my own mind, the place I go while dreaming, meditating, or making art. I don't know what the vision meant, exactly, but I know that it made me feel wonderful, and peaceful, and strong, all at once.
At A Glance Author trinityva Contact trinityva@bme.anon IAM trinityva When Five years ago It was the second play party I'd ever attended. He'd told me when I first came into the SM Scene that I'd probably see things I was interested in and would turn me on, and other things that might really bother me. He mentioned needles as one of those things I might see and not like. My reaction was decidedly different. The idea of metal through my skin turned me on considerably, and I told him that I'd probably want to try it sometime.
I knew even then I was more interested in topping than bottoming, but I didn't know enough to try topping yet. So I needed to find something for him to do to me that was sure I'd like. My strong positive reaction to the idea told me that's what we ought to do. So that's what we did.
The needleplay area at the party was very secluded. That frightened me a bit, but in hindsight I think I was happy for it. It felt secret and protective. At the time I thought others around watching would make me feel safer, but I think it was better that way in the end.
I can't remember exactly how the preparations went. He was, as he always has been, very thorough. Betadine and alcohol, I believe, after ascertaining whether I was allergic to the Betadine. I was so nervous I don't recall much. Another experienced local top, a gay leatherman with some of the loveliest tats I'd ever seen, reassured me that he'd watch too, to make sure I was all right. That comforted me.
My ex put four needles in my breasts. I can't remember how I felt upon the first insertion, other than that it hurt like blazes. I'd been expecting it to turn me on so much I didn't care about the pain, or felt it as pleasure, so that disappointed me. It also disappointed me that I took so few -- the other people I'd heard about who liked needles took thirty or so, and experienced intense sexual pleasure. I expected the same thing, and what I got was OUCH. Worth it to me, but not what I expected.
So I only took three more. I believe he even took one of those four out because it was especially painful. I wanted more, but like I said the pain was too intense. I looked down and fell in love with the way the needles looked in my breasts -- that part, at least, was exactly what I'd visualized and wanted. I love the way metal and skin look together, so to see those needles in me was very exciting, and probably faintly erotic to me as well.
Now what? I was happy, but I hurt and I wasn't getting off. I didn't know what to do now. I knew this supposedly got people high, but I thought that if it didn't get me off it probably wouldn't send me soaring either. I was so very, very wrong there!
He told me to relax and lie down and that I would start to feel high from the endorphins. I felt disappointed because I wanted to look like a pincushion, wanted to feel more sexual, etc. But he just told me that it was fine that I wasn't ready for more, and to lie down and ride it out...
I saw myself on a river, lying down in a boat. I think it was sunset. The water rippled and the light played on it. I was naked, with closed eyes I never opened. I knew that I was some kind of warrior, resting or meditating between battles. (Interesting that I do tae kwon do now.) I had tattoos. I could see them very clearly in my mind. Many, perhaps all that I saw clearly, had radial symmetry. They were beautiful. None were colored; all were a deep bluish color, as if the ink was old and had faded. No -- had settled, comfortably, into my skin.
I remember telling the top/my ex what I was seeing. I think he was startled, thinking I was so high off the endorphins that I was literally hallucinating. But I was perfectly aware of where I really was; I just much preferred the other scenery. So I assured him that I knew what was really going on, and went right back to vision-land.
I remember being wobbly when I came to. I was surprised I couldn't stand. I was woozy for quite a bit after, even once we'd gone back to the social area. I talked to people and didn't seem out of it, so I figured I was fine, but then someone gave me water and I knocked it over (or nearly did, I can't recall exactly.) Everyone laughed. They knew exactly where my brain was. I was very happy I'd done it.
It's been a long time, and since then I've mainly been feeling the yen to learn to use needles on other people (mmm... metal and skin and blood... yay...) but I think I should get it done to me again someday. I need some more visions; my meditations and dreams are not as vivid lately as I want them to be. I wonder where I'd go if I did that again. Someplace truly interesting, I'm sure.