May 7th, 2005 began as just a normal day. Hunter (my boyfriend) and I were going down to Round-O, South Carolina to watch a little bit of suspension. Neither of us had any plans to suspend ourselves that day, but we both ended up going through with it. While Hunter had suspended several times before, I had repeatedly told the suspension team that they would never see me with hooks through my skin.
At A Glance Author Carolynne Contact Carolynne@bme.anon IAM carolynne When A week ago Artist Trevor McGuire Studio secret location of HCS Location Round-O, SC The day started off as normal, setting up all the rigs and equipment. Making a piercing area and prepping everything so that hooks could be thrown. The regulars all did their normal suspensions and Chris and Trevor had even invented an entirely new suspension that they tried out. (They called it the Can-Opener, one leg has hooks on each side of the knee and is bent during suspension, the other leg has hooks on each side of the calf and is straight during the suspension.)
Not too long after Chris had gone up to try the newly invented suspension I called Hunter over. I whispered in his ear "I think I might want to go up today". His eyes grew wide with disbelief. Once I was sure I wanted to go through with it, Hunter went and told Trevor, the team leader. One other virgin was going up and then Trevor was going to hook me.
The virgin that went before me did awesome. He didn't seem to hardly feel the hooks going through his back and ended up pulling himself up and staying up for a few minutes. After he had come down I went and sat on the bench so that Trevor could start to mark me.
As Trevor began to draw the cross on my back that would divide it into regions so that he could pierce more accurately, he noticed that I had chicken pox scars all over my back that already looked like suspension holes. He drew all of the dots for where the hooks would enter and exit my skin and got the needles and hooks ready.
For some reason, I wasn't especially scared of the pain. He had me sit up straight and prepared to push the first needle through. I had Hunter sitting across from me holding my hands so I was ready. The first hook to be thrown was the farthest right one. While it was a sharp burning pain, I really didn't think it was that bad. He pulled the needle through and went to the hook which was one gauge larger than the needle, so there was a slight discomfort during the stretch.
On to the second hook. I still wasn't scared since the first hook had been so easy. The second turned out not to be so fun. Everyone says the farther towards the spine the hook is, the more painful, and I will completely agree. The second hook seemed to take a full minute to go through, though I know it was probably about five seconds. The needle entered my skin from the top and then about halfway through Trevor would have to stop to change the angle he was looking at it to make sure he hit his mark on the exit. That second part of the piercing, the coming out, was the worst pain I have ever known.
The third, fourth, and fifth piercing went about the same as the second, lots of pain and slow. As we progressed through the piercing I cried harder and harder and had to have others remind me to focus on my breathing more and more. Focusing on my breathing truly did help me forget about the pain (to some degree). I needed longer and longer breaks between each piercing also because I was crying so hard and my face was starting to go numb.
Finally, the sixth and final hole. I expected this one to be as bad as the previous four, but it turned out to be the least painful of the six. Very quick and little pain. Once the piercing was done, I chewed on a glucose tablet and drank lots of water. I also went to sit in the shade to make myself feel a little bit better before I went up.
I finally decided that I was ready to go up after a few minutes. I walked over to the rig and Trevor came over and connected each of my hooks. I had Hunter standing in front of me and holding my hands while Trevor held the rope. A little bit of tension, OUCH! A little more, OK, too much. A little less, that's better. A little more again. "I can't do it, I know I can't, this hurts too much". Trevor released the tension and came back over to me to disconnect my hooks from the rig.
I walked over and sat in a lawn chair in the shade and cried hysterically. I wasn't embarrassed or even in pain. I was mad at myself for not being able to do it. I know that sounds stupid and that I did a lot more than many people can say they have ever done, but I'm a perfectionist and used to being able to do anything I set my mind to do. Disgusted with myself, I wanted nothing more to do with the suspension and asked Hunter to take my hooks out for me. He went over and got some gloves, gauze, and techno-care and came back over.
The removal of the hooks was slower than usual since I hadn't stretched my holes any and they were still tight around the hooks. I repeatedly asked if he was done yet, which after several minutes he finally was. He held gauze over the holes to stop the small amount of bleeding that occurred and asked if I wanted to be bandaged up. Since I wasn't bleeding I said I didn't see the point and just put my shirt back on.
We stayed and watched another suspension or two, which I cried throughout and then we decided to leave. After about another fifteen minutes of crying in the car I got over it and quit. We got some sandwiched to eat since I wasn't feeling too well and headed on home.
My holes have behaved very well since my attempted suspension. No swelling or discomfort. Since they are on my back, I haven't been able to clean them especially well, but I have made sure to let warm water wash over them and get any shampoo or body wash away from the,.
Now I'm actually glad that I went through with it. While I don't think I will ever try to suspend again, it gave me a whole new outlook on pain and my boundaries with it.