At A Glance
Author	foryourmalice
Contact	foryourmalice@bme.anon
IAM	foryourmalice
When	A week ago
Studio	my house
Location	toronto

This is my lip sewing experience, I hope its helpful or interesting to someone.

To start, I am not going to tell you anything about me because I think you should hear my story before you make any judgements about me. This lip sewing was a truly amazing experience but also a dangerous one, so I do warn you. If you plan on doing it please do it safely unlike how I did.

My day started normal as usual, woke up, listened to music, went on BME and other things. I had been planning to do it the week before, but I was sick and had to wait.

I felt good that morning, emotionally strong. I called up my friend Amanda and told her I was ready, so we made plans and her and a few others would be over at 8pm.

The entire day I spent time thinking. I went through the ideas of it all over and over in my head. I thought about the dangers of it, I thought about what could go wrong, but I knew I needed this. Emotionally this was extremely important to me I knew I had to do it.

Modification has always been an extremely important thing to me. It is a huge part of my life, I'm extremely interested in the ritual side of it all. I am very interested in suspensions, pulling, and lip sewing has always been a beautiful thing to me. This was my obstacle, this was my way of proving to myself I can make it through.

The day went by pretty normal, nothing interesting happened. At around 6pm I got dressed and got ready for everything. I went on BME for a final look around at the lip sewing gallery and went on IAM for some confidence. I was scared to fail. I wanted to be strong and get through this.

I eventually went outside and walked around, I thought about it all. I was ready... I was going to get through this. Then 8 pm came around.

Amanda, Cody, Matt, Krista and Cristina showed up. Two of them had video cameras and wanted to tape it for me. So we all crowded into my small bedroom. Krista, Cody and Matt sat on the bed. Cristina took a spot on the chair in the corner. Amanda stood near me and we talked. It was actually happening, I was so happy I could not believe it.

While Amanda got the needles ready, I called my boyfriend to tell him I love him and wished he could be apart of it. I missed him a lot, and it hurt that he could not be there with me. Amanda went out for a smoke, while I finished up my conversation.

Then Amanda came back in, they set up the cameras, she got ready... and I freaked out.

A wave of fear came over me, I was scared of the first piercing. It took about 30 minutes to calm me down. We used a very primitive way of piercing my lip, which I would not advise. We used 16 gauge hooked needles and forks as forceps (I know...I know)

She stood over me got the placement right, I held the forks and she pushed the first needle through. I felt the rush of the metal going through. My eyes watered but I was fine. I took a minute to get used to it, and I picked a new CD to put on.

The music was loud and everyone was quiet. I sat there in minimal pain but afraid. Amanda did the second piercing. It Hurt. I was in shock for a few moments and needed to sit out for a while.

The third piercing was odd but not painful. I was relaxed and felt Really amazing by the time we went to do the forth. We took a break at 3, and we just talked to the cameras. I explained who I am, and why I was doing this.

About 30 minutes later, we went to start on the top lip, I was scared again. I held the forks tightly and Amanda put the needle through, I gasped in pain. It hurt more then anything. Amanda quickly sat on my lap hugging me, telling me I was strong. She kept whispering in my ear that I could do this, I was going to get through it all. Tears fell from my face cause the pain was getting Very intense.

I was going to do 8 needles, but then decided on 6 but after the top lip pain. I decided on 5 only. My lips were a little swollen and a bit tender, that was all. I put on another song, and Cody decided to rush it cause I was soo afraid. He panicked saying his battery on the camera was dying, and he wanted the last piercing on tape. So I held the forks down and Amanda pierced it. As the metal pushed through my skin tears fell down my face. It hurt like hell, I could not breathe.

Amanda held me assuring me I was ok. It didn't hurt, I was going to get through it all.

Sure enough Cody let us know he was joking, so for about 5 minutes we laughed and yelled at him.I sat there staring into a mirror, with the needles through my lips, I felt beautiful, I felt strong. For once in my life I was proud of me.

Then the time came to thread it, One needle by one, Amanda threaded it and let me pull the needle out. The first one barely bled, but blood ran down my face when I took out the second one. The third had no blood, and then the most swollen one was about to come out. Cody and Cristina moved in with the cameras, and I started to pull it out as I stared into a mirror. Slowly I pulled it out and in the mirror I caught the site of blood shooting from my face about an inch. I panicked.

I grabbed a cloth and with a more than half sewed mouth, I didn't know what to do. I was covered in my own blood, and Amanda had my blood on her hands. It was on the ground and on my bed sheets.

I ran to the bathroom and tried to make it stop, than the worse happened I started choking on the blood that was gelling and clotting in my mouth and throat. I was trying to spit it out through my sewed lips.

Cody stood with me, holding me cause I was so afraid. Amanda ran in and I sat down in the bath, she cut the thread. I pulled it out and spit out all the blood. I dropped the thread and focused on coughing all the blood up. I swallowed a lot of it, which was not fun.

I still had a needle in my lower lip, After all the intensity of it. I sat in the empty bath crying with the camera watching me. I cried my eyes out, I failed. I felt lost again. I still felt strong, just...like a failure. I looked to the camera said what I needed to say and looked into a mirror. Covered in blood, and all that, I was beautiful. I Felt Beautiful.

I cleaned up and Krista had to leave. We cleaned up all the blood on the wall and floors. I put everything away and I sat down. Everyone had to leave cause it was getting late. Cristina stayed for a bit and we watched the video. I hugged Amanda before she left and said thank you. It brought me a lot closer to her.

Than Cristina left.

I was alone now, sitting in my room reviewing in my mind what just happened. I am me, and this proved to me that I am strong. I can and will overcome it all.

I am modified, I am beautiful, I am strong, I am me...

Now to let you in on who I am.

I am 14, turning 15 in may. My life is strongly influenced by body modification. I made myself proud. I have my reasons to modify, so do you all. Please respect that. I know I am young, but I am here for the same reason you are. This is for ME. No one else.

I have the words "I EXIST" scarred on my arm...and for the first time I truly believed that..

This was a mind altering experience that I will never forget, Thank you for taking the time to read this. I hope I helped.