At A Glance
Author	Tiffany
Contact	tiffis@hotmail.com
IAM	secksihoar
When	It just happened
Artist	Rites of Passage suspension group
Location	Brooklyn,NY

Being an anthropology major, I first heard of ritual suspension in class. The first time I heard about it, I was fascinated but never imagined I would or could ever do it. Then I met Joy (iam:bleedmedry) one fourth of July. I overheard her talking about her chest suspension and how she actually got off the ground. I thought that was amazing and I knew I would have to try it someday. Over the following months, I would met Craig (iam:darkncrazy) and he would turn me on to suspension even more. I researched it as much as I could and knew I would have to do it soon. Two weeks ago, a friend (iam:Gracebudd) would do it, and after reading her experience and seeing pictures, I knew I could wait no longer. I contacted Joy and we made plans to take a trip to New York so myself and my roommate could suspend both for the first time.

The day had finally come, February 20th, and we made our way to New York. I was extremely nervous and all I could think of was suspending. When we were finally there I was so nervous I was shaking. My roommate Dooz (iam:WillKill4Money) went first so I got to see everything before I went. But watching him made me even more nervous.

Finally it was my turn. I decided to do a 2-point suicide. Evan (iam:unchained) marked my back and told me to lay on the table. I needed a few minutes before the hooks went in. Cere (iam:cere) gave me some encouraging words, held my hand, and then we went to it. Evan threw the first hook and then Joy did the other a few moments later. The first one was easy but I could definitely feel the second. That was a part I was dreading. Then I stood up and went to check out the hooks in the mirror. When I was ready Evan fixed my hooks and laced me onto the rigging. The hooks and pressure were a little uncomfortable and I couldn't help leaning forward, as if I was trying to get away from it.

Joy held my hands and started to walk me up. We did it very slowly, so I could get used to the pressure. I tried my hardest to keep my heels on the ground. It felt impossible. I kept tensing up so Evan had to keep telling me to relax my shoulders. He kept an eye on me to make sure I was ok. When I was on my tippy toes, a second away from hanging, I got nervous and freaked out and asked to come down. The pressure was so intense. When I came down, I began to cry because I knew I could do it and I was so frustrated. I decided to try again. I had gotten this far and was not about to give up. I grabbed Joy's hands and we started again. This time when I was on my tippy toes, Cere told me to take a deep breathe, and he pretty much pulled me up off the floor. I couldn't believe it. And then he pulled me a little higher. I latched onto Joy's legs with my feet but all my weight was on the hooks. I felt this intense pressure like someone grabbing my back and squeezing hard. It wouldn't go away. I could actually hear my skin separating which made me more nervous. I let go of Joy and closed my eyes, trying to relax and breathe. When I opened them and looked down, I could see my feet kicking and I felt like I was dreaming. For a minute everything stopped around me and I was floating. The pressure would just not go away and I had to get down. When I was lowered, I forgot that I had hooks in my back until I felt a slight stinging feeling. They cut me down, took the hooks out and bled me out. I was up for only for a few minutes or so (it seemed longer), but I felt like that was enough for me this time. I just wanted to get off the ground and I actually did it. Laying on the table, I felt so peaceful. I wanted to talk but words would not come, I wanted to cry but tears would not come. I have never felt that good in my life.

I still can not believe that it actually happened. I am so proud of myself that I was able to get off the ground and that I did not give up. You really do feel like you can do anything after you suspend. I feel stronger and more peaceful from that brief time in the air. It was one of the best experiences of my life. I can't wait to try it again.