I saw my first suspension when I was 17. I fell in love. I can honestly say that it was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen in my life. The way their bodies glided so gracefully through the air, and how they seemed to be weightless. I wanted to see any and every suspension show there was, and talk to anybody that I could about it. I knew that one day, I would do it also.
At A Glance Author Stephanie Contact Stephanie@bme.anon IAM BodMod4Christ When A year ago Artist Steve Haworth Studio preformance with the CutThroat Freakshow Location Phoenix, AZ I got married when I was 18...barely. I was sending out wedding invitations at the same time I was sending out graduation invitations. That might sound strange to some people, but it was ok with me, because I was in love. I was fully confident that I was going to spend the rest of my life with this man. I didn't know what I wanted to do with my life; if I was going to go to school, or just get a job. Either way, I knew that everything would be ok, because Steven and I would always be together. He was the one that got me into the industry in the first place. If it weren't for him, I would still be going to hack shops to get my piercings done and wondering why none of them ever worked out. He showed me, for the first time in my life, the difference between a good tattoo and a bad tattoo. I have a lot to thank him for.
Steven worked graveyard and I tried to do that as well, but my body just couldn't handle it. I had resigned myself to just working evenings and spending time with him on our days off.
About a year or so into our marriage I got a job working at Steve Haworth's shop, HTC. I had met him and his "crew" a few times before, at suspension shows that they did at local goth clubs. Steven had never gone with me to these shows because of his work schedule. He knew that I went to goth clubs, but I never felt it impertinent to let him know exactly what I was going to. I didn't mean to lie to him, it just kind of happened that way. I knew that he didn't approve of suspensions, and in fact hated them, so I felt it best to keep my mouth shut. I was honestly afraid that if he found out, he would never let me go to them again. After I had worked at HTC for a little while I actually became pretty decent friends with many of the members of "Life Suspended." At that point I had to let Steven know exactly what I was going to see every other Thursday night.
Just as I suspected, he was furious. He flat out told me that if I ever went to another suspension show again, he would leave me. I was in tears for the rest of the night. After that little tiff had subsided, he finally came to his senses...sort of. He told me that since I was friends with these people and I was going in order to support my friends in something that they enjoyed, I was allowed to go. But once again, he threatened me. If I ever preformed a suspension, or even so much as talked about wanting to, he told me he would leave. I was upset that something that seemed so petty to me would cause him to do something so drastic. Nonetheless I was respectful, and never once spoke of my wishes. It was very difficult to keep my burning desire from him. Every time I would go to a suspension show all I could think about was how much I wanted to do that...to feel like I was weightless. My insides hurt with every passing show that I saw, I longed so badly to fly. But for the sake of my marriage, I kept it all inside.
Even more time went by and along came our two year anniversary. He decided to go to California that weekend, without me, as he had done many times in that previous year. He came home that night and told me that I didn't make him happy anymore, and that he didn't love me anymore, and that he wanted to leave. My jaw dropped in amazement. I didn't know what to do. I didn't have to know, he did everything. He packed up his stuff that night and moved back to California, where he was originally from. That was it. It wasn't until weeks later when he would actually open up a little more to me about why he felt like he had to leave. In the end, I still didn't understand. But, I did know that there was one thing that I had to do.
I told my best friend Anna about all of this and she totally took care of me. She set it up for me to perform a suspension with her and Jeremy's next sideshow performance. Angela came for moral support and Jon came to pierce with Steve Haworth. I was terrified out of my wits. The whole night all I could think about was why I was forcing myself to do this. Was I doing it because I truly wanted to, or just to spite a bitter ex-husband? At that point it didn't matter, because everything was already set up, and there was no backing out. I remember the last thought that ran through my head before I got pierced was "I don't think I want to do this." Too late, the hooks were in. The piercings weren't nearly as bad as I thought, I suppose because your back is just a bunch of big dumb tissue. I prayed before I went up. First of all, I thanked God for all the awesome blessings that He had given me in my lifetime, then I asked him to please allow me to do this. It took a couple of minutes for me to get my feet off the ground, but once I did, it was incredible. Incredible doesn't even begin to describe it. It didn't even hurt me, my back felt a little funny because of all the strain on it, but other than that it was like nothing. I had finally gotten my chance to fly. Even though my divorce had been finalized months before that, that was the exact moment that I felt free. Free from the strain of a controlling relationship, and free to be the person that I always wanted to be.