So that's what it's like
At A Glance Author shell Contact shell@bme.anon IAM stunt_girl When A week ago Artist iam: vampy (body evolution) Studio Vampy's house Location Norwich, UK A first time suspension from a try-it-all girl
NB I did a tandem suspension with another IAMer, but for the purposes of this experience, I am writing purely from my perspective.
You know when something prays on your mind and you can't stop thinking about it. I hadn't realised it but that was me. When my mate said he was doing a suspension in May 2003, I was suddenly struck by how much I wanted to do one. I had been thinking about it unconsciously for many years since first seeing it on TV AGES ago.
However, when I went with him to the meet (a Norwich, UK-based BME meet) and saw what was going on I was a little upset. The raw emotion and, well, blood, sweat and tears just hit me. My stomach turned. I held on though: seeing my mate go up was so impressive, I was so proud, I knew I could do it. Just not then.
It was a full 18 months until I did mine.
I had thought about doing it, muttered to a few friends that I might, talked it over with some people in the know, frightened a lot of my 'vanilla' mates, and before I know it I was committed to suspending (although of course, I knew I could always wimp out if I felt I had to, but I'm not that sort of person!) Crucially, however, I had chatted to Vampy who was co-ordinating it all at her house. I knew she was more than capable, and that lots of people I knew and trusted would be there to help me as well.
I sort of ignored it; took it lightly in the months leading up to the gig. However, as it drew closer the fear grew. I knew it was irrational; I knew it wouldn't hurt that much and that even if I didn't go up, no one would criticise me for trying, but what can you do when your brain is in that mode?
When I felt it getting too much I sat down and thought rationally. I imagined the piercing – me breathing deeply, the sudden but short-lived pain, then the hooks being secured.
Then I imagined myself hooked up and being slowly pulled up. I imagined the tightness around my chest and shoulders and the fire in my back.
It made me feel better. I'm not by nature a meditative person, although some might argue that my techniques are meditation. I think they're not - they're common sense. Think relaxed. Release your body. Prepare.
Either it paid off or I had an easy time - or both! When it came to the crunch I felt calm. The piercing was painful, but with only 4 hooks in my back, with two people piercing in tandem, it wasn't too bad.
I spent some time getting used to the hooks afterwards, moving my arms around and making sure I knew they were there without taking them for granted. I was led outside, hooked up and then the real business began.
I don't think you can prepare for the sensation. It isn't pain, it isn't just constrictive, it isn't just tense. It's odd. The only thing I can say it's like is being held off the ground by hooks through your skin.
I got up but had to come down quickly. It was too awkward, too intrusive, unpleasant. I was trying to relax but wasn't really happy with it. I think I was fighting it still. Besides, I felt all the energy flow out of my body. I was a rag doll and had to sink to the ground in a heap. But as soon as I did I felt strong again.
And this time I was prepared again. I would go back up. I knew what it would feel like.
This is where friends come in. Although I didn't know the man on my ropes very well, I knew he was a 'veteran' of this, and the cheeky but reassuring wink he gave me solidified my intent. So with his tacit assent, and the helping hands of my mate (he of the original 2003 suspension) and my boyfriend, I was able to go back up and hang for a good few minutes. I've no idea how long, time doesn't really exist when you're hanging. I was aware of my own body and vaguely aware of those immediately around me, but nothing more.
So, what have I learnt? Everyone said not to take suspending too lightly, and I didn't. But I also did things in my own way, which I think is important. I didn't meditate or meet with any spiritual purpose, but I did have a damn good time and did something that very few people outside of BME folk have done.
A new motto: Want it; think it; do it. And most of all: try it!