After having successfully suspended for the first time three months ago, the time had come for another day of hooks. I knew I wasn't quite ready for another suspension (as much as I really wanted to, it just wasn't the time for it). I had never done a pull, so I figured, what the hell, it'll be fun! I knew immediately after my first suspension that next up would be a chest pull. As the days drew near, I began to get overwhelming anxiety about having hooks in my chest. I questioned myself to no end about being ready for it. I was worried about pulling against someone who was doing a different type of pull (back/forearm..ect.) At one point I told myself that I was stressing out way to much to go through with it and decided to do a back pull. I've already had hooks in my back, I know what it feels like and I know what to expect. Then, a few days before the event, Erin IM'ed me about doing the chest pull and said she wanted to do it as well. At this point I had let all the anxi ety go about the chest pull and settled into the back pull idea. I thought it over for a night and realized that I'd be disappointed with myself if I didn't try. So it was set, I'd be doing a chest pull with Erin on Sunday.
At A Glance Author Melinda Contact Melinda@bme.anon IAM Melinda When A month ago Artist I Hung Studio Lucky Monkey Location Ann Arnor, MI The anxiety got to me by Saturday night, and I didn't sleep to well. I kept having dreams about the pull going awry. I woke up by 9am Sunday morning nervous as hell, but still excited. I met up with Rich & his friend Leigh up at my work around 1pm. We drove down to Canada almost before we eventually got to the shop. (I forgot about 14 and kept taking 275 south, oops) So, finally, around 3pm we show up to a semi-crowded room of folks. Not too long after we showed up, it was time for the first suspension of the day by iam:monkey42. Next up was a superman suspension. When that was over, Jason asked Erin & I if we were ready to go. We both decided that we should get something to eat before we got hooked. So, we went to Quiznos, ate, talked for a while and got to know each other a bit better. When we came back, Mike was in the middle of a fun suicide suspension. I love the feeling of watching a fun suspension, where everyone is smiling and laughing. The feeling in the room was indescribable and put me in the perfect frame of mind for the pull.
The time had come for us to get our hooks. I was so nervous at this point, but I volunteered to get hooked first, I had to get it over with ASAP or I was going to burst. While marking for placement, I felt like I was about to throw up at any second. Jason and Adrian were throwing my hooks and did a very good job of easing my fears and making me feel comfortable. I braced myself for the moment I'd been having so much anxiety over for so long. It was quite painful, but not as bad as I had thought. I think I blurted out some obscenity under my breath in reaction to the pain, I don't remember, but everyone said I took it like a pro. The worst part was over and it was time to get going. Emrys got us rigged up to go and finally we were connected to each other.
We started pulling and it felt awesome. The whole time I had this slight body buzz going on, which was enhanced by every movement we made. Every time I'd laugh, it was like a ripple effect on the senses. We started the pull out while standing, then after a couple glucose tabs for Erin, we tried it sitting down. This was so much more comfortable and relaxing. Any stress I had melted away and I let my mind wonder off. I had a much easier time letting go this time and I enjoyed it immensely. This went on for about a half hour or so. I would go through phases of deep meditation and come back to what was going around me. We stood back up and decided to lean back and let the weight of the pull hold us up. This was awesome, but was difficult to maintain for too long without help. A little while after that we decided to stop and disconnect. That's when Erin began to bleed like crazy. Still connected we had to rush over to sit her down and get some gauze, stat. We got disconnected an d her gushing hook was removed. It was going to take a while for the bleeding to stop and I still had a huge high from the pull.
I wanted to pull for a little bit longer and see how far I could push myself. I asked Jason to grab the rope for me and hold on tight. I pulled as hard as I could, rocking back and forth, each time pulling harder. While this was going on, part of me felt as though I could separate from myself. I was still fully aware of what was going on around me, but there was another aspect /urge of wanting to walk around the room. You could call this astral projection, if you believe in that sort of thing. I'm not entirely sure of what happened, but when this happened, I felt on overwhelming calm and peace within myself. I stopped rocking and just stood there pulling, while the rest of myself walked around the room absorbing the energies of the people around me. A few seconds of this and I came back together again. At this point I was spent, and I stopped pulling.
Once I stopped, I didn't feel a drastic change emotionally or mentally, like I did when I suspended. It was more subtle and gradual as I got settled back into reality. I retained a lot of energy and felt on top of the world. Erin was still bleeding at this point and most everyone had left to go eat. After another 25 minutes or so, she was all bandaged up and changed into clean clothing (her top was soaked in blood). The time had come for my hooks to come out. I found great amusement from just having them there and had separation issues with them. At this point, all the blood had dried and caked around the holes. Once they were out, the wonderful technicare massage commenced. Seeing all the bloody goo on my chest was gross but enjoyable.
After saying our goodbyes, we left and made the long trek back home. I was sad the evening was over. During the car ride home, I realized how much the pull affected me in all areas. I realized that I don't give myself enough credit for how strong I really can be. I realized that I have found a place to shine and some amazing people who are changing lives for the better, including my own. As I pulled into my driveway and shut off the car, I sat there for a minute and absorbed all the emotions of the day. Tears of joy welled up as began walking towards my house. I wiped them dry as I went inside and just hugged my mom and dad. Part of me was also sad; because my family will never know/understand the joy I was feeling at that moment. I wanted to share the experience I had with them, but after showing them the pictures I took of one of the suspensions, I knew that they could never understand.
So, I am left with another area of my life that gives me joy that has to be a secret from the people I love.