For the last fours years at least, I have been exposed to many things in the body modification world that have amazed me and as well as intrigued me very highly.
At A Glance Author Melinda Contact Melinda@bme.anon IAM Melinda When A month ago Artist I Hung Studio Lucky Monkey Location Ann Arbor, MI
It's easy to be so inclined to have these procedures or acts done without first contemplating the risks involved. I can admit to myself, and to you, the people, that only a few of my modifications have deep personal meaning. Not to say, that each experience didn't have it's meaning to me, that each needle that ever passed through my skin didn't have some remembrance and meaning. Just saying that sometimes, your motives for getting something done can be clouded, as have some of mine. I realized this the first time I ever saw a picture of a suspension, it was Fakir Musfar doing the "O-Kee-Pa". At the time, I had known very little about extreme modifications or the ritual aspect of the community as well. As I looked at the expression on his face and saw the skin pulling so far away from the body, I immediately knew that I must do this. I was 17 at the time and had no concept of what I actually wanted out of the ceremony, I just knew that some day I would do this.
So I waited for four years. I waited until I knew exactly what I was getting myself into. I waited until I knew what I really wanted/needed from this. I used the time to research and read up on this side of the community. With each experience or article I read about suspensions and the increasing number of suspensions groups popping up, I knew that my chance was coming soon. I began to take mental preparations; I would envision myself hanging, the hooks pulling my flesh towards the sky, my head hanging down, and my mind deep in meditation. I found this vision to be extremely calming and welcoming. I soon got in touch with I Hung and learned about the "Virgin Sacrifice" which I had just missed out on at Lucky Monkey in Ann Arbor, MI. I was really excited to see that an event was happening so close to home and crossed my fingers and prayed that another event would be going on soon. As chance would have it, in two months, there was going to be another day of suspensions. My heart got warm for the first time in a long time. I was so excited and so nervous, each day took forever. I debated telling anyone about my choice to do this, because no one in my family really understands my mods, nor cares to find out, so I kept quiet for about a month. But one night while I was drunk, I blurted it out to my friend Julie, and she seemed mildly grossed out but highly interested in why. This gave me such comfort, more then she will ever know.
So the day arrives quicker then it had seemed to earlier in the month, I became busy with work, and my thoughts were not focused as much on the suspension anymore. I was dealing with a stressful client, and my mental preparations had been clouded with stress and deadlines. We drove up to the studio where I work and hung out for a while, I double-checked the directions and got my video camera. The drive down to Ann Arbor seemed to take forever. I was lost in thought for most of the drive, but Julie kept up the conversation by asking me about what was going on in my head, and how ready was I to do this.
Finally we get there and we are greeted by Matt. We go to the back and I sign a release form. We wait around and talk to a few people, finally the first suspension of the day. A suicide by Josh, which was my first suspension seen in person, and was really fun to watch. Next up was Ian, a 2 point chest suspension. In one word, Intense! I was in awe. Before I knew it, I was up next. Talk about a tough act to follow! My head was racing the whole time. I was cleaned up, marked and before I knew it, on the table getting ready to take my first two hooks courtesy of Jason & Matt. I won't lie, 8g needles hurt, but I seemed to take them in stride. The next two were just as quick and after a few moments, I was ready to go. I ran over to Julie and immediately showed her my hooks; she winced in pain and covered her eyes.
After getting rigged up and putting some tension on the hooks, it was time to dance my way into hanging. It seemed like it took forever to get up, but it only took a few seconds. Jason helped me up and held my hands until I was ready to let go completely. The pain was unlike anything I had felt before and my first reaction was to cry and freak out. At this moment, everyone in the room disappeared. I thought that I was going to have to come down immediately. I focused my energy on staying in the moment, I was afraid to completely surrender myself to the pain, because I didn't know if I could handle it. After a minute or so, I was ready to swing around. It was an awkward feeling trying to kick my way into it, but I finally got the hang of it, no pun intended. Part of me wanted to go nuts with it and really push myself while the rest of me wanted to just hang there and zone out into my own little world. But this wasn't the time for me to do that. I swung around for a few min utes, when finally, the swinging got to me and my lower back began to tense up bad. I felt really sharp shooting pains rise up and knew that it was time to come down. My feet hit the ground and the weight of the world came down on me as well. Immediately my body missed the feeling and felt sad it was over. Then the endorphins kicked in and my mind, body and spirit were at peace.
I hung for exactly 3 minutes and 48 seconds and it was perfect. I had successfully suspended without incident and took it pretty well for the first time. As I reflect on the experience, I regret not completely letting go of the physical body and exploring my consciousness more. This was what I had really wanted to get out of my suspension. But I realize now, it's okay, and that it wasn't meant to be for the first time. I had to test the waters and see if I could first go through this rite of passage and I did. I want to suspend again and the next time will be dedicated to the out of body experience. I'm going to aim for a coma or superman suspension, perhaps a lotus. I want to restrict free movement and simply hang there and focus my energies inward. This is something that I need to work on, I used to be able to go into trances and deep meditation rather easily a few years ago, now my mind is always filled with some thought that refuses to be pushed down. I believe that the next time I suspend, will have to be at a better point in my life. A point where I can let go and not be scared of the unknown, no matter what it may be.