At A Glance Author Asurfael Contact asurfael@asurfael.net IAM Asurfael When It just happened I had been curious about play piercing for a while, and after I was asked to send in video material for a documentary about such things I found my perfect excuse to start with it. I had already tried it with two needles previously, but now it was the time to start with the real thing.
I was going to wake up at 10 A.M. that morning to take the dog out and go buy more 20 gauge needles for my project, since I only had 28 left. However I fell asleep again, and woke up at 12 when my mother called me. So I rushed to take the dog out, ate some müsli, and ran to the bus barely making it. I went to the pharmacy, and found it closed. On the window there was a sign about another pharmacy being on call that day. So I went to that one.
I got to the pharmacy, and asked for 100 20g needles, and 20 25g needles. They however had only 30 20g needles, so I bought those, 20 25g needles and 20 18g needles instead (the 20g needles hadn't previously hurt much so I figured some 18g ones would be okay, too). I ran some other errands, and came back home an hour after I had left.
Since I was going to video tape it for the documentary I made sure I shaved myself properly in the shower. It's actually a sort of a pre piercing ritual for me in general - even if it's something like getting my septum pierced, if I'm feeling clean and attractive I usually feel better about the experience, as well. I washed the areas I'd pierce with mild soap to get rid of any extra grease on the skin, and to have only the skin's natural bacteria on it. I didn't want to put antiseptics on my already dry skin.
So after showering and drying my hair properly I sat on the chair I had set up right next to the window. I put the needles on a small chair next to mine, and had a bottle of tropical fruit juice next to me (just in case I started to feel dizzy). I washed my hands again, and felt like I should start now while there was still enough light left.
So I turned on the camera, and sat down on the chair. I took an 18 gauge needle, and pushed it through the skin on my forearm. Holy shit that hurt! I decided to keep to the 20g ones which I was fairly comfortable with. So I inserted some of those through my skin, spaced out maybe 3/4th-7/8th of an inch from each other. They actually hurt pretty bad, too. I blame not having slept well. Whilst it hurt it wasn't really unpleasant - it allowed me to observe my body really well. I didn't know it'd react like that to that many needles. It was really fascinating. After a while though the pain was getting a bit too unpleasant, so I switched to using 25g needles on my arm instead. Then I put one of those through the skin on my leg. That wasn't nice. I put one through the skin right next to the pubic mound... That actually felt pleasant. I tried to push a 20g needle through my navel, but that didn't feel nice because I had scar tissue there, so I gave up and decided to quit for that night. I filmed myself taking the needles out, and turned the camera off.
The whole thing made me feel really nervous and jittery. I was feeling sick, and at the same time what was me was panicking and telling myself to stop hurting myself, but also I wanted to continue. The experience was tearing me apart, at the same time making me feel things I really didn't want to feel and letting me be an outside observer of my pain. And weirdly enough, it also gave me an outsider's perspective to things that had been bothering me in my emotional life. I was no longer upset with my boyfriend (we had parted that weekend after having a fight on him being so distant). It all seemed so ridiculous, and I realized I was just stressing too much about issues, that while they were serious, were nowhere near life or death situations. It put my priorities straight, and suddenly the huge pile of school work I was supposed to do didn't seem all that threatening either. Whilst the piercing procedure seemed threatening and painful and completely unpleasant, it also gave me a new look on what was going on otherwise.
After taking the needles out I drank a few glasses of juice to get the worst of my nausea to go away, and looked at the blood flow down my arm. That actually fascinated me enough for me to add more needles. The thought of needles didn't feel too pleasant, but the blood somehow made me feel more liberated. It bleeds, so what. That's the worst it can do. So I turned the camera on again, and put a few more needles through my forearms, and my right shoulder. After around 10 more needles it again started to feel extremely uncomfortable. I tried putting the last needle vertically through my chest, but that didn't really work. In addition the lighting was getting bad, so I decided to just call it a day. I pranced around in front of the camera to give different angles on the blood that had been freely flowing down my arm, and decided to shower. The whole room smelled like blood as the dried blood slowly melt away from my skin with the warm water.
Whilst I didn't get any euphoric high a lot of people describe, and the pain didn't turn into pleasure (probably a lot because I was tired but I wanted to do it to try it out properly anyway), it allowed me to really stop and think for a while. I had to concentrate on myself because I had constantly a different kind of pain on my body. Seeing the blood flow free after removing the needles made it feel like most of my tiredness, worries, nervousness and all the negative feelings just bled away from me. It was sort of like meditation is to some people, I guess. The piercings themselves seemed quite unimportant in the end. The growth I did during the procedure, and the feeling of relief as the pain went away and as the blood flowed free, that was the real value for me.
I'm having hard time describing what I felt during it. As a matter of fact, I don't remember much of the details of the procedure itself. I do remember forgetting about the needles on my arm at some point, and giving my thigh huge Wolverine-like scratches. I remember that I used 29 needles, with two of them pushed only partially through before I decided I wouldn't be able to take it properly (the amount of needles I only remember because I counted them afterwards). I do however remember clearly the thoughts it brought into my head. All I can say is that although I was tired, in pain and feeling worn out, I felt more at peace than I had in a good while. I didn't feel like I was afraid anymore.