I write this a month and a half after my first suspension and 3 days after my second one. I meant to write this a lot sooner but the time has given me some more perspective as well as enabling me to sort out (as much as I am able to) what exactly the suspension was like for me. I will start off with a little background.
At A Glance Author jeff Contact jeff@bme.anon IAM steelhawk When A month ago Studio emrys backyard Location Pittsfield, MA The day before I had gotten home from the BMEfest in Tweed. I saw my first live suspensions there and they were so incredible to watch. I had wanted to do one for awhile but wasn't sure where to go. BMEfest gave me a chance to see one close up. Once I did, I knew I was certain. But I digress. I came on IAM to update about Canada and happened to check the events page. I noticed a bbq/suspension happening in western Massachusetts the next day. I didn't have any plans for the fourth of the July so I checked the directions and decided to definitely go with hopes of suspending myself.
I showed up around 2 or 3 and spent a little while acquainting myself with the people there. I talked to Emrys and told him I wanted to suspend today but hadn't before. He said it would be fine but I should probably do a superman since it was very hot out and it was my first time. I agreed since he knew a lot more about it than I did and had no set idea of how I wanted to go up. I talked with some of the people there about and they were all very supportive when they found out it was my first time. If not for their support I wouldn't have had such an incredible experience.
I watched someone go up in a suicide suspension and it didn't do much for my nervousness. I was afraid it would hurt getting the hooks thrown and would be unbearable going up. The longer I watched and saw how the person hanging there looked happy and at peace, the more relaxed (relatively) I became. I little while longer it was my turn.
I had 2 options of where to hang. There was a tower and a tree. I choose the tree because I love nature and felt that hanging from a tree would maybe make me feel a little more connected to nature. At Emrys request I stripped down to my underwear so he could mark my back for the hooks. He marked 6 spots on my back and 2 on each leg. I started getting very nervous about having 10 hooks put in. Frank and some others explained exactly how it was but it didn't help much. In retrospect it was exactly how they said. The piercing was no different than a regular piercing except a little more of a pinch and a little burning. Completely bearable and a lot less than I thought. The legs burned more than the back due to the skin being tighter but again it wasn't much. After I was all marked I lay back down on the massage table and steeled myself. They had enough experienced people there to pierce 6 hooks at once and then the other 4 so it was only 2 sessions of piercings to g o through. Emrys asked me if I wanted to be pierced on the first deep breath or second so I picked the second one. He told me that he'd have me breathe in, breathe out, in again, then he'd say pierce as I breathed out so everyone would know when to pierce the hooks through me.
I got all 10 hooks put in and as I said earlier, it wasn't too bad. A quick pain and then it was over. I drank a little water and lay there for a minute to get ready for the next step. They asked if I was ready and then started to thread the ropes through the hooks and tie them to the rig hanging above me. After a couple of minutes everything was ready to go. Frank stood by my head and told me that it would be an intense pain for a couple of minutes and that afterwards it would feel much better. When I was ready they pulled on the rope to lift me and I was up.
Man did it hurt for a minute or so. I didn't think I could stand it. My whole back and legs burned, I was all tensed up, and my head was confused as to why I couldn't feel gravity. I wondered if I could do it. Frank stood by me though holding my hands and continually talking to me. He started to swing me gently telling me the air feels good. At first I didn't listen but once I did and concentrated on the air flowing across me and around me, I felt incredible. All at once the pain was gone and I could only feel a mild discomfort from the hooks. What replaced the pain was a feeling of absolute wonderment and joy. I was up! I loved it. It's hard to describe what it was so I won't even try. Instead I can tell you how I was truly happy and felt incredible. It was like nothing else in the world and I was so glad I did it. Frank kept swinging me back and forth every time I started to slow. I tried swinging my arms but the hooks in my back were too uncomfortable for tha t.
I swung through the air for awhile just enjoying the cool air across my skin. The entire time I was up I never once lost that amazing, indescribably feeling. Soon though reality punctured through it. I was starting to get cold. I didn't want to come down and lose the feeling but I also was a little scared of going into shock if I stayed up too long and got too cold. After a little while debating I decided to come down.
Coming down was a huge mind blowing experience as well. Almost as good as being up. As they moved the table under me I tensed up thinking it would bump me. I was a couple of feet above but hanging had messed up my depth perception. They lowered me down and as soon as my feet touched the table I felt very heavy, almost like there was an invisible pressure pressing me down. The cut the line and then proceeded to massage the air out of my back. It was the best/worst massage ever. It hurt but felt so good. They finished and cleaned my back and threw some bandages over the holes. I stood up and again had my head messed with. My body wanted to immediately lie flat and I had trouble walking for the first few steps. I walked away with the biggest grin on my face though. It was so amazing.
At first I felt a little disappointed in myself, I felt I had only stayed up about 15 minutes and could have gone longer. After asking someone though they said I had been up at least an hour. I couldn't even comprehend that. I had lost all sense of time as I suspended and let the feelings I was having flow through me. I've never had anything like that happen to me before.
Emrys pulled me aside and explained that since I had just suspended, I would be very emotional and in tune with my surroundings. He warned me to stay away from negative energy so I wouldn't be overwhelmed by it. Over the next few days I was like that. I'd go into moods suddenly where I was very melancholy and almost depressed for no reason. They only lasted a few minutes and I'd go into an extremely happy mood. It was very strange. People noticed how different I was acting over the next little while, someone even said I was glowing as I talked about it.
Glowing is how I feel every time I think about it. It was life changing for me and I knew I'd be hooked for life (pun intended). I know now why it is used as a ritual among some cultures. This has been the most spiritual experience I've had yet and I hope suspending will always be my most spiritual experiences.