I have been on Iam for 3 years now, and it's become a second home to me. I had always seen pictures and experiences of people who have done suspensions and been completely in awe of the strength and courage it takes to do them. I never thought I would have either of those. I had not thought I could actually do one until about 6 months ago when I had seriously started considering it and talking to people about their experiences. I wanted to experience it. I wanted to test myself, to see if I could really do it. I had never witnessed one, so I didn't really have a good idea of what I was to experience.
At A Glance Author sorrowseyes Contact sorrowseyes@bme.anon IAM sorrowseyes When It just happened Artist Steve Truitt Studio my home Location Canton, Ohio Cut to recently at the bme in bfe bbq I got to witness my friend Sheila's (iam: Karma380) lotus suspension and it was so wonderful to watch and share that experience with a group of amazing people. I knew then that I absolutely had to do one. I had to try it for myself.
My Boyfriend Steve Truitt (iam: stainless) was in town staying with me for a week and he had the rig and everything he needed to do the suicide suspension I wanted to do, so I decided that I was prepared enough for the experience. I was terrified, but I had to do it. I didn't have a choice. I would hate myself if I didn't try. I decided to do it at the park across the street from my house. I decided from the beginning that I wanted a private suspension for my first time. It was very private; it was just Steve and my roommate Dustin.
Steve asked if I was ready to get marked for the hooks. I stood up and he marked my back for the placement of the hooks. Soon 4 8 gauge hooks would be in my back. I was terrified. This was the part I was most scared of. I had never been pierced with anything over a 14 gauge, let alone in my back. I layed down on the couch, and tried to prepare myself. I couldn't stop shaking. Dustin held the skin on my back. Steve told me to take a deep breath in and let it out....and BAM, there was an 8 gauge hook in my back. The endorphin rush was awesome, and it didn't even really hurt. It was more pressure than anything. It certainly did not feel like I just got pierced with a fucking huge needle. I just laid there giggling manically. The next one was even easier, and my nerves were subsiding. I started to get a little lightheaded so I asked for some water. After all the hooks were in I sat up, and god did it feel weird. My legs would not stop shaking, but I was excited. This was the part I never thought I could do the first step. I got teary eyed and a bit shaky, but I shook it off, not wanting to embarrass myself(I know I wouldn't have but to me it would have been embarrassing).
I sat there for a minute and then we decided to walk down to the park where I was going to suspend. I decided that since there was a pavilion in the park with rafter to throw the rope over that that would be a good place. Steve threw the rope up and got everything situated. He asked if I was ready to get hooked up and I said yes. Now my nerves kicked in again. After I was clipped on, he told me to pull on it to get used to the sensation. I pulled and sort of grimaced. This was fucked up! This felt weird! I said "I don't think I can do this, I really wish I had someone's hands to hold." but Steve knew that I was just nervous and he knew that I could do it. Slowly he started hoisting me a little at a time. I started breathing really fast. I tried to slow my breathing but I couldn't. The sensation was so weird. It didn't hurt, not really. My back was pulling up but it didn't feel like there were hooks in it. It felt like someone was actually lifting me up by my back skin. I wa s now to the point that I was on my tip toes, and was slightly wobbling in the breeze. This was it. Soon I was going to have to pull my feet up; soon I was going to have to conquer my biggest fear. I went on one foot and stood there for a second. Steve asked if I was ready. And he slowly lifted up my other foot. Holy shit! I was up. He slowly moved his hand off my foot and I pulled both legs up. I was doing it! Fuck! My senses got really weird. Things were sort of fuzzy and moving slower. I could hear the birds chirping in surround sound. I felt the breeze on my legs. Wow. This was awesome. This was real. This was me conquering something huge. I hung for about 40 seconds, and it was getting harder to hold my legs up. The rope slipped a little and it freaked me out, so I said "ok let me down" really scared. The rope jerk had startled me, and sort of knocked me out of the zone I had just gotten into. I dropped my legs in panic and it was over. It was amazing. And I was so pro ud of myself. I didn't even feel the hooks come out as Steve was remov ing them. I stood there for a minute and then we walked back up to the house.
When I got back to the house I just sat there with tears in my eyes. This was so stressful, but so good, and I did it. I started giggling after I calmed down and all I could say was "that was so fucking rad" and laughed and smiled. I hadn't felt that good in a long time. I felt cleansed. I felt new. This experience has meant the world to me. For once I feel like I can do things on my own. For once I feel like I don't need anyone's help. I am glad that I didn't have anyone's hands to hold, I am glad I did it all on my own. I feel good. My back is still sore. It never bled much though. The rice krispy air bubble things kind of gross me out in my back, but they are pretty neat. I am happy. I am grateful......
I plan on going to the Midwest Suscon in September to do it again. My only regret this time was that I couldn't straighten my legs out, if I could have, I would have been able to be up longer. That's what I'm aiming for at Suscon. I can't wait!