I remeber when I was a young kid, my dad had this movie he bought from a video store. The video was called "Dances Sacred and Profane" and it had Fakir Musafar suspend from his chest. It was one of the most amazing things I've ever seen.
At A Glance Author <3 Contact swindle24@aol.com IAM <3 Artist Rites of Passage Studio their temporary space Location Pittsfield, MA I remember watching the movie a few years later when i was in maybe 6th grade or so i watched the video again, i was still amazed.
Eventually I started reading BME and seeing all the suspension pics and they still amazed, I knew one day I would want to do one, I didn't know where to look, nor did i think i would ever have the money to pay to have a procedure like that done.
Then one day about a year ago my friend Jonny (IAM:Vegan Jonny) told me that he planned to do a 4 point suicide suspension on his 18th birthday and he asked me if i wanted to as well.
I couldn't believe it, my chance to suspend has finally came, I was so excited I couldn't wait. I told EVERYONE I knew, alot of them thought I was crazy. My father, who has quite a bit of tattoos and has had a few piercings thought that I was going "too far" and he seemed really disappointed with me. My mother, would get grossed out whenever i would talk about it, which made me sad because this is something real important to me, but she asked that i would respect her opinion and not talk to her about it.
Anyways back to Jonny, he looked around for groups for awhile and he couldn't find a group that didn't want a ton of money, or a group that was easy for us to get to.
Then one day I was just checking out IAM pages and I stumbled across IAM: Ritesofpassage. (I don't remeber how to speel his birth name I think it's Emerys) I checked out the Rites of Passage page and saw that they were having a suspension gathering Oct.30th. I scheduled to go there and get hung, not relizing that they were based about 3 hours away and I don't drive so...I had to re-schedule.
I talked to Jonny about it and he really wanted to suspend still and I really still wanted to suspend with him. We worked things out, he had a few days off of work so we made the appointment and Jonny came here to visit.
My friend Mark founf out I was suspending and he asked if he could come too and get hung. I talked to Jonny to see if he would feel comfortable and he was fine with it. I talked to Emerys and things were good with him. So now it was Jonny, Mark, and I all getting hung on friday Nov.9th.
(earlier in the week there was some mis-communication about everything that was dicussed but Mark cleared it all up with Rites of Passage and we just had to suspend earlier in the day....no biggie =) )
::skiping out the boring part::: (us driving there,getting lost,blah blah blah)
The whole time before I suspended I wasn'treally excited, until after I saw Mark go up...then Jonny go up.
When it was finally my turn I was pretty excited. I layed down and they threw the hooks in me. 2 hooks each time. I could feel risistance on one side of my body. My mouth filled up with drool. I had to sit up before I drowned. I lay back down and got the other 2 hooks in me.
I was all set, all 4 hooks were in place. Mark pointed out that one hook looked significantly deeper. Which scared the shit outta me (which wasn't a good thing cos it made me nervous and have trouble suspending).
After a lil while of stretching and just getting an overall feel for the hooks I was ready to be clipped up. They clipped me up and cranked away. I could feel the skin pulling apart. It was an amazing feeling. It was beautiful...but silly me had my eyes open and i got dizzy and was about to pass out so they had to lower me and get me down. I didn't even get completely off the ground yet but it was alot, and it was great.
After a little while of walking around, breathing in the cold fresh air, and drinking some orange juice and eating a clementine i was ready to try again.
This time I was going to attempt to walk off of something into suspension....that did not work at all.
They lowered me again and I walked around for awhile. They kept asking if I wanted the heat on because they were all real cold. My body could feel no temperature at all. I was shivering (probably mostly from nerves) and I goose bumps all over my body, but I was not cold.
I ate some un-cooked Ramen noodles and sat and thought. It was very emotional for me because I went there to hang, and I couldn't get off the ground. Getting off the ground was very important for me. Everyone tried re-assuring me that i was doing more than most people could....but that wasn't good enough for me. I wanted to fucking hang.
I went up for a 3rd time. 3rd time's a charm. They clip me and start to raise me. I closed my eyes. It was beautiful. I started to swing a little. I started to loose my balance. I was finally raising off the ground. Then....my barefoot slide across the cement, scratching my toenails. It scared the shit outta me. Like a wonderful dream turning into a nightmare. I screamed lower me! get me down!. I was lowered. I tried to re-gather my thoughts. I wanted to go up again. I wasn't done. I didn't free hang.....my body went thru too much. There was no way I could hang again that day. I let them know I ready to have my hooks out. I was so disappointed in myself. I wanted to cry. I never cry. Only a few things can make me cry/or want to cry. Even on the ride back to hollie's house. Even at hollie's house. I wanted to cry. I didn't do what I went to do. I failed.
The more I think about it tho, the more I realize I accomplished. I know the best way for me to hang (pulling up into the air...eyes closed). I can always suspend again. Which i'm totally going to. I wanted to try a Lotus for my second time...but I have not yet achieved my goal with a suicide suspension.
Rites of Passage will get a new space. When they do i'll be making that long journey back. back to myself.