It had been a rough year. I had left my husband and he had shattered his leg and had to recover in bed for six months, so he came back to be taken care of. I was over it. I was frustrated, scattered and antsy, so one night at the brink of dispair, I decided to try to do a piercing on myself. The truth is that when I was younger, I had attempted a few different piercings myself. I had attempted my belly button and a nipple, and both were unsuccessful. When I was much younger, we had pierced each other's ears and those worked out just fine. Why would other body parts be different, I foolishly thought.
At A Glance Author iris When Five years ago Artist self Studio at home Location los angeles I looked online and knew I should probably go to a professional, but I had to go for it that night. I knew that piercing yourself was something that probably would not work, but I was completely compelled to go for it. (Looking back it was a little rash!) I had been drinking, another mistake, and I was feeling pretty good. I always played with ice so I iced down my labia and got it real numb, but my fingers kept getting numb too, so I got a washcloth and laid the ice on for a long time until I really could not feel a thing. The pain of the ice was delicious to me. I had already gotten out a very sharp needle from my sewing stuff, sterilized it with alcohol. I took a deep breath, pulled the skin tight and tried to shove the needle through. I immediately wished I had some sort of clamp, but I didn't give up. I pulled the skin tighter, quickly so as not to lose the numbness, and I shoved the needle through. It made a sound I will never forget, like popcorn popping. I felt so good about having the courage to do this myself, but I hadn't thought about the next step. I think I thought I could put an earring in somehow, but that seemed impossible as the skin closed around the needle tightly. At that point I was really starting to wonder what to do. I laid there, full of endorphins, wondering what I had done. Was I crazy? I was looking down at my pretty vagina with a big needle through it, wishing it was already bejeweled, wishing I could make it a real piercing, a badge of honor, for surviving a terrible, horrible year. I drank some more, and pulled a piece of embroidery thread through the hole in the needle, which seemed like a good idea at the time.
The feeling of looking down at my piercing with the big needle and the thread in it was a very powerful one. The pain I put myself through was much more than having a piercing done by a professional, believe me, now that I have had a few good piercings done, I know the difference, but I felt so elated. What was the elation about, I wondered. Why did this feel so good? Was I the only person in the world who felt this way? Reason crept in and i was getting very tired. (I now know this happens every time I get something pierced.) I knew I had to remove the needle or pull the thread through and go to sleep. I iced it down again, and pulled....now this was very painful. I tied off the thread, got up to pee, which was extremely painful, and went to sleep, peaceful and happy. I felt very much in control of my whole life.
In the morning, I took a bath and my husband hobbled in on crutches. He was surprised to see what I had done to myself. I knew it was not going to be there long, but I enjoyed my bath, left in my weirdo piercing for the day, and took it out later that night. I cleaned it well for a couple of days and everything was fine. It healed and I have the memory of a job well done. I now know that self piercing is a form of self mutilation, and that it is connected to depression and anxiety. My life and my self esteem has come a long way, and although I do not engage in self piercing any longer, I do go to the professionals every now and then and get a really beautiful, professionally done piercing or tattoo. A wonderful master piercer just did my nose and I am extremely happy with it. The best part is that she handed me a coupon on my way out that after she does four piercings for me, the fifth one is free....and now I am deciding if I will be able to take her up on that offer.
"Note: The author's opinion on self piercing reflects their own experience and should not be taken as a blanket statement as it is certainly not true for everyone."