At A Glance Author sarahmonster Contact sarah@jerkasaurus.com IAM sarahmonster When Six months ago Artist Joe Y. Studio Evolution Location Providence, RI I honestly don't know what it was, but one day I just decided I wanted my outer labia pierced. Originally I had planned on a set of six large gauge inner labia piercings, but since my outer labia are significantly more pronounced than my inners, I decided getting them pierced would be far more aesthetically pleasing. I had some cash burning a hole in my pocket as a result of finally getting an old apartment deposit back (yes, it's true . . . sometimes you really DO get them back!), and so I decided that, come mid-December (after my period/before the holidays), it would be time to get them done.Even though I had recently moved back to Connecticut from Providence, Rhode Island, I knew I would be making the trek back up to Providence to have the piercings done at Evolution. I grew up in Connecticut and have been pierced at a couple of different studios in the southern half of the state, but I had decided that these studios were stuck in the past, and I did not feel comfortable putting my faith in them for a large gauge piercing or two. So when the day came around, I found myself making the three-hour drive back to Rhode Island.
First thing on the agenda was a pre-piercing lunch with Larry and Kristin. We went to Cheesecake Factory, where I stuffed my face with bread and crusted chicken parmesan like it was going out of style. I rationalized my gluttony by telling myself I needed to keep my energy up for the piercings. After cleaning my plate (and a brief stopover at CVS to pick up panty liners and Altoids), it was finally time to make the journey through the twisted and poorly-labeled Providence streets to Evolution.
We arrived, and early Christmas gifts were exchanged. I pushed my hand-made soaps on everyone, as I had made far too many than I actually needed for gifts. Then my ID was forked over, the release form was signed, and it was time for jewelry selection. I talked it over with Laura. I told her that I wanted them pierced as large as possible, and I wanted to wear CBRs for jewelry. Her opinion was that I should think about barbells, but I figured not only would barbells be significantly more expensive, but I feared that the force of my thighs rubbing against the jewelry from walking would cause the barbells to come unscrewed at very inconvenient times. So CBRs it was. Laura grabbed a gauge wheel, and we took a look at their larger gauge rings. The decision was made easier by the fact that they didn't have a lot of matching pairs of larger gauge CBRs in stock. She pulled out a pair of 6 gauge rings, and a pair of 4 gauge rin gs. Four gauge was more appealing to me from an aesthetic standpoint, but six won the contest because the outside diameter of the sixes was a lot smaller and more comfortable-looking than the fours. With the jewelry decision made, I sat down with Larry and Kristin while the CBRs were autoclaved. The wait was agonizing, as I was getting very nervous. I think I went to the bathroom three times. Once I genuinely did have to pee, but the other two times, I was merely forcing myself to because I was very, very nervous.
Finally the wait was over and I followed Joe back into the piercing room. I sat up on the table while he set up. He asked me a few questions, like if I'd like the forceps or not (I chose forceps), if I would like them pierced directly at 6, or pierced at 8 and tapered up to 6 (I chose pierce and taper), etc. Before I knew it, it was time to drop trou. I was pleased that the stirrups had yet to make an appearance. But once I was back up on the table, there they were. Damn. So, feet in the stirrups, and away we go.
Of course Joe had to make sure that my labia were substantial enough to support the 6 gauge jewelry, so that came first. Upon feeling his fingers grab hold of my inner labia, I interrupted him by asking "uhhhh . . . I guess Laura didn't tell you I wanted my outer labia pierced." Bad Laura! So, minor miscommunication out of the way, and the marks were made. I told him I wanted them "in the middle," meaning between my hood and my vagina, and his initial marks were perfect. Now came the hard part.
Joe asked if I had any preference as to which side I wanted pierced first. I told him it didn't matter, as they were both going to hurt really really bad anyway. He tried to reassure me, telling me that labia are a snap, so I reminded him that he is not in possession of female genitalia. He clamped the left side, and the breathing began. He didn't do it on three, because he noticed I was beginning to grab onto the sides of the table (give me a break, dems some bigass pieces of metal going through my coochie). He waited until I stopped acting so foolishly, and in went the needle. Holy. Fucking. Shit. HOLYFUCKINGSHIT!!!! The pain was amazing. I was breathing so loudly I sounded like an entire lamaze class (and I was told that the people in the waiting area could hear me). I giggled and whimpered and giggled and breathed . . . it was most definitely my most painful piercing ever. Two seconds later, the taper was in, which was another ouchie, and the jewelry was followed through, which was not so bad. The bead popped in, I was given a few minutes to relax.
The first thing I noticed, once the pain drifted away and the endorphins took its place, was the incredible weight of the CBR. So that's what it's like to have things dangling between your legs. Interesting. Joe gave me all the time I wanted. I'm guessing I waited about five minutes, but it seemed like much longer. I figured the endorphins were kicking in, so now was the best time to do the right side. Half talking to myself, and half talking to Joe, I was saying that it was as good a time as any, that I wanted it to be even, that I might as well get it over with already.
Clamp on the right side, I prepared for the worst. I knew it was going to be horribly painful. I also knew that the second one was probably going to be worse than the first, as that was how it was with my nipples. I tried desperately to remember the techniques I learned in a self-hypnosis class I took once, which helped immensely for my hood piercing, but I was already too nervous and shaken for it to really work. We did the breathing again, and again I was insanely loud as the needle went through. I might've groaned, too . . . I don't remember. At this point, I asked Joe to wait a minute before he tapered the hole. He put a cork on the needle and gave me a minute to "get my shit together," as I so eloquently put it. Then it was time. That stretch hurt a hell of a lot more than the first, for what I think are pretty obvious reasons. I don't regret waiting, though, because I really needed to collect my thoughts. Jewelry in, bead on, and it was finally all over. I waited for what seemed like an eternity for Joe to dispose of the needle and change his gloves before he was ready to show me my new piercings. When I was finally able to see them, I was so proud of myself. They were so gorgeous! Too bad my 10 gauge hood looked so goofy and out of proportion in comparison.
Finally I just kicked back and relaxed on the table for a bit while Joe cleaned up. He asked me if I wanted him to clean off the markings. I asked him what he wanted to clean it off with, and he said that, unfortunately, it was alcohol. I said thanks but no thanks . . . I'll take care of that in the tub tonight. I didn't need any more stinging, horrific pain that day. After awhile I started to feel cold and uncomfortable as a result of my new additions hanging without the comforting support of underwear. I got down off the table and sloooooooooooooooowly pulled my undies back on. Joe reminded me of the panty liners I had brought . . . I was so giddy and hyper I had completely forgotten about them. So I sloooooowly pulled my undies back down, and lined them with two panty liners (I was envisioning blood loss of PA proportions). Then slowly back up, pants on, and I was ready to go!
I opened the door and stepped back into the waiting area. I knew at that moment that I had been a very loud piercee, as time seemed to freeze while everyone stared at me. I just said "hi guys!" and waddled my way towards Larry and Kristin. Yes, I was doing the penguin walk. And I was still a giggling fool. We really had to get going because the L and the K had other obligations, so we paid, said goodbye, and left. I penguin-walked my way all three blocks back to my car, thinking to myself "don't laugh at me! I was once like you!" We all sat back on our tailbones when we got into the car, me for comfort, them, for sympathy.
After dropping Larry and Kristin back off at home, I had to begin my three-hour journey back to Connecticut. I prayed I wouldn't have to pee on the way back, for fear of screaming in pain in a rest stop bathroom. Needless to say, I did have to stop. I was feeling tired and weak, and I really couldn't hold it anymore. Urinating for the first time was rather uneventful, to my relief. I got some soda and a candy bar, and I was back on the road.
That night, and every night that week, I filled my (clean) tub with nice, hot salt water and soaked for a long time (whilst reading the wonderful Naked by David Sedaris, which I previously had a hard time finding the time to read). I found it was the only time I truly felt comfortable with my new piercings. Walking was a chore, and while the first post-piercing urination was a breeze, every time I had to pee after that was excruciatingly painful. I was forced to drink water to keep my urine weak (I am a soda addict, and this was very difficult for me). The pain lasted for about a month, and the piercings themselves were healed in about three months. The weight of the jewelry has really primed these suckers for stretching, so I plan on moving up to 4 ga as soon as I have the funds.
And now the important part: SEX! I had always thought that outer labia piercings were purely decorative, but this has been very far from the truth in my case. I find it personally enjoyable to tug on the rings during masturbation, and while my hood piercing rarely gives me unexpected pleasure, sometimes if I sit just right, the beads of the CBRs will hang around the outside of my vagina, which is always a good time. Even cooler, I've been told that they provide added pleasure for my partner during vaginal sex. I may be in the minority here, but I personally have just as much fun, if not more, with my labia piercings as my hood piercing.
Overall, I'm very happy with my piercings and I'm glad I got them, however I must admit I probably won't get any more labia piercings . . . at least for a looooong time (like, when I've forgotten how badly they hurt the first time).