When I get bummed out, as I often do, I will perform piercings on myself. The pain acts as a reality check and alleviates a wretched mood. And no, I don't consider myself to be a masochist. But sometimes I need that kick and I yearn for that pain, and this piercing began with desire for aesthetics, pleasure (for obvious reasons), and to get me out of the rut I was in. It all took place last night...
At A Glance Author Adie Contact orangeflickergrin@minorthreat.com When It just happened Artist Me, Myself, and I Studio Absolute Body Piercing Location Normal, IL I'm a body piercing apprentice at Absolute Body Piercing in Normal, Illinois. Other than the owner, Chris, I'm the only worker in said shop.
Yesterday Chris had left a bit early, as he tends to do, and so I was left sitting all by my lonesome, listening to some Wolfsheim (German synthpop, for you uncultured folk). I had known for awhile that I had wanted to get my hood done at some point in my life, though I certainly didn't expect it to be so soon.
But boredom and depression lead to goofy things, and before I knew it, I was hanging a sign on the door that said, 'Open in 5 Minutes'.
I had already prepped everything up (for the second time, actually, having first been interrupted by a woman who needed her nostril screw changed), and I stripped down.
I had hopped up on the examining table a few times, only having to climb my naked ass back down for things I had forgotten to retrieve (like many Kleenex, in the event of blood). So here I was, sitting under the blazing light and thinking about what I was preparing to do.
Typically we apply Lydocaine on these piercings and it works as a topical numb-er. I'm the type who thinks that pain is part of the piercing, so I left the numbing agent out.
It took me a few moments to position the needle-receiving tube, and then I had taken the flashlight to check for potentially aggravating veins. Everything looked fine.
I picked up the needle that I had prepared on the tray beside me, and positioned it. Typically when I pierce (myself or others), I do the diaphragm breathing and pierce on the second exhalation. After I had the needle touching my skin I did this: inhale, exhale, inhale, ex...!!! I didn't do it. I began to, and I only ended up with a prick that caused me to trickle a few droplets of blood. I was pissed. I was NOT going to wimp out of this. I was going to prove that I could control my own body. I was going to have my mind overpower my physical being.
I took another 15 to 20 minutes before I could muster up the courage to put the needle to my hood again. My mind was saying 'yes' but my hand was saying 'no'.
I braced myself in the stirrups, leaned back on the table, and at some point I began pushing the needle through.
It hurt soooooooooo fucking much, I thought my heart would explode. About half-way through and my eyes are tightly closed and my teeth are clenched and I'm thinking, 'ISN'T IT THROUGH YET?!?!?!'
And when I'm in pain, A LOT of pain, I get pissed. And I said to my hood, 'No, you fucker, I've come too far to stop now! I control me, not my pain!!' I just kept pushing and cursing and making wretched grunting noises...and then I felt the sweet release that came when the needle passed into the tube. I paused to breathe and looked down at my poor, tortured cunt.
As I began to follow my mini-barbell through after the needle...I slip off. Out comes the needle, with no piece of jewelry in the hole, and then...BLOOD! I just started gushing everywhere.
At this point I simply rolled my eyes and was just utterly exhausted and pissed off. I said, 'There is no fucking way I'll have just done that for nothing.' I grabbed up my barbell and poked around until I found the hole (thank holy Jesus), and crammed the sucker through. It hurt much less when I wasn't following through after the needle.
I struggled for another moment to thread on the other bead, and when I finally did, I just sat in an endorphin-induced daze.
Out in the waiting room, Peter of Wolfsheim sang, and I just concentrated on his voice and the pain.
A few moments later I began clean-up, rubbing alcohol and glycol and bacitracin to make me scream, burning my fresh piercing. Then I grabbed the mirror from the table and admired my work. Somehow, a smile crossed my face. Through the clotting gore there was something lovely and incredibly sexual.
Once home I took a bath to clean away my mess, and took some time again to admire my work. There is truly a sense of satisfaction in knowing that I could control my body, that I can manipulate it and make it look and feel so beautiful, even through all the pain.
There was blood even this morning (as this piercing was performed last night), and bruising along the length of the bar. All of this is completely normal, which I was relieved to hear from Chris. Upon arriving at work today, I relayed the night's events to Chris, and he was very proud to hear that I was able to perform such a piercing on myself, and that I was so happy with it. It was perfect: straight, not too shallow nor too deep.
Even through two 6 gauge lobes, two additional lobe piercings, a triple brow piercing, a septum piercing, both nipple piercings, a lip piercing, and a vertical bridge piercing...this was the worst piercing I have ever had. Worst as in good.
I don't regret a thing.
Don't think I'd ever do it again, though. One lovely hood piercing is enough for me, thank you.
*Remember, kids, never perform anything like this on yourself unless you REEEEALLLLY want pain and you know what you're doing! I fell into both categories...