At A Glance
Author	magsman
Contact	magsman@bme.anon
IAM	magsman
When	N/A

This may all be old hat to many of you but the how and why of my first "need to pierce" I find intriguing. I was about twenty seven and I had just been on a couple of weeks journey into the far outback regions of B.C. [Canada]. I flew into Oakland, California from Seattle and was picked up and driven home to Santa Cruz by my father, who I am sorry to say I never had a close relationship with. He was just going to stay over night in my very small apartment and then go home the next morning.

The problem was that for the last three or four days all I could think of was piercing my pubic area and putting a ring in it. Now I had done some rather strange things in the past, but at this particular point that was pretty far in the past. I had been in the army a few years, then lived with relatives and the lack of privacy and the sheer distractions of other pursuits seem to of buried these desires. I have no idea why this sudden urge came upon me.

So here I am stuck in my very small apartment with my dad, and remember he is leaving in the morning, which was a Sunday by the way. I would have the whole day to do whatever I wanted. Could I wait, did I wait. No I did not. I had to act. I had to do this thing now! There wasn't even a real door on the bathroom, it was just sort of around a corner. So I get a skewer, ice pick like thing and a rather large split ring. One of those key ring things. It was used and not very clean. I go in the bathroom and go to work on myself while my dad is around the corner making coffee and talking to me. Well the skewer wasn't all that sharp, and the skin tougher than I expected. Have you ever tried to hold open those split rings and feed it through bloody, sore flesh? Especially your own? Hard enough to get keys on them, try getting yourself on one!

Well it took awhile. I kept saying I was constipated from the trip and needed some time. My dad understood, would I like him to bring me a nice cup of coffee? I am standing there with bloody fingers, blood running down my leg, bloody paper towels strewn around, "Uh no thanks, be out in a few..." Well I finally got the ring in, cleaned up the mess, pulled my pants up and went and had coffee and later we ate dinner. Time passed slowly and I knew that I had a problem. Mostly it was that I was getting very sore. As the endorphins whatever wore off things were not at all pleasant. Besides now that I had satisfied the urge I could think clearly on what I had just done. I must say it seemed very, very stupid. Sort of like those moments just after you have had unprotected sex with someone you don't really know that well. Now your fucking mind turns back on with all these neat little questions you don't want to answer.

To finish up the story, after my dad was asleep I went back in and managed to get that ring out. Whew, now that was a chore that would set your hair on fire. Still remember the ordeal clearly thank you. By then I was really tender and swollen, a real mess, like those scenes in a movie where the hero has to dig a bullet out of his body with a jack knife or something. You probably have guessed that I didn't die or any thing dramatic like that. I healed up with some scarring, not much. This cured me of that urge to pierce right? If only it was so easy. This was only the first of a number of attempts to get a ring or bar or whatever installed there over the next thirty years. It was just the first, crudest and most urgent. In its own way also the most interesting. It was certainly by far the most memorable.

Now shifting to the present, two days ago I realized that I really wanted to pierce myself. Probably a combination of writing about piercing myself that first time combined with searching BME Extreme for piercing images. Oddly enough a couple of weeks back when I was ordering some jewelry I added piercing needles and Pennington forceps. Never know when you might need them. Well I suddenly needed them. In the past I never really had decent equipment so this was an extra incentive of sorts, nice to do it right for a change, see what thats like etc.. Guess I should mention it really has been quiet awhile since any piercing has been done. Perhaps I was wondering if I was up to it, would it be a high or a low.

Next comes what to do. Where? Permanent or temporary? What item to use as jewelry? It had to be something from what I on hand. I wasn't about to wait on buying something. When I get in the mood like this something needs to happen quickly. That is not saying I don't spend months or years deciding on a serious piercing or tattoo, just that this time I was acting to satisfy a need that was more to have an experience than get a the result. Rummaging around I came up with a couple of old barbells I bought from Gauntlet back in 1988. Invoice was with them, almost $40 each. They are SS barbells, 14 gauge, 1" and 1 1/4". They were for my ampallang and apadravya back then and long since unused as I didn't like apadravya and retired it after a few months and ampallang was enlarged to 2 gauge quite soon. So these two items guided somewhat as to where I would pierce.

I really was wanting another shot at a pubic piercing. Have done a number over the years as I mentioned above, but never any keepers. I think the last one was over ten years ago. Large 2 gauge stainless steel spike that was a good 3" long. It crossed horizontally about an inch above shaft and was kept in place with an "O" ring on each side. Pierced with a leather punch as scar tissue was too tough to pierce with a needle and besides I did not want to spend forever stretching a hole. I was able to go right to the 2 gauge spike.

I loved it! It was there about nine months. Problem was that it never made any progress towards healing. That large a hole allowed me to remove spike weekly to clean everything after maybe the first month. By then the hole was stabilized and was not going to close right away. Could run a q-tip through it with ease. Never any infection or such, just no real sign of skin growing in from ends to heal passage like I have seen in other piercings I've done. Also my riding leathers when on my cruiser on longer road trips started to rub the area making it sore. Anyway I gave it up, but I still to this day miss it.

So pubic it will be. I knew that was a correct choice by my emotional response to making the decision, I usually can tell when I am tracking with my underlying needs and desires. I get that boost in confidence and resolve that just pushes me along. When I find that place I am just along for the ride. Taking my two rather weeny barbells in hand I started to try and find a placement that would work with dragons tattooed there. Long and short of it is I didn't. I really found no placement I liked very much. I thought I would try piercing at "Dragons" mouth area on each side and see how it looked, I didn't really think I would like it. I proceeded with the knowledge that this was going to be a rather serious play piercing more than anything else. I found that added to the experience since I didn't have to get too uptight about exact the placement. Is it level? Is it centered? I could just relax and make a good try but mainly focus on enjoying myself. Self piercers out there know what I mean. It is why we mostly do our own if we can. It's the total arc of the act we wish to savor and the less distractions the better.

This is what its about for me. I do this because it brings me enjoyment, not to punish or hurt myself. The painful punishing act for me is to not do it, for whatever the reason. Can a person get addicted to this behavior? Of course. Do great harm to themselves? No doubt. Is one wise to monitor their self and get help or advice if they see signs that they may be getting out of control? Yes, but only a few can be that honest about an addiction. If we fail to do so we run many risk. I think worst of all for me is that I might shorten the times I can enjoy myself or I will damage things so I can no longer get the high I seek. This selfish attitude has helped me keep perspective. I want to be able to keep doing this so I act accordingly.

Am I taking to much of a risk? Do I have the right to do so? Should others intervene? Well I think there are no doubt times and cases when that is a possibility. The problem is that seldom are such decisions made fairly and in an unbiased manner. Millions will cheer a driver strapping himself into his race car, urge him to take greater and greater risk, push things even though he is on the edge of killing or injuring himself or others. That is all very acceptable. In fact if he doesn't he or she will face scorn and ridicule. Oh, but take a needle to your own body and it's quick get some help, he's going to hurt himself. Jeeze Louise, please, please, lets stop this hypocrisy.

Well I wandered a bit, we better return to my little adventure. I took my nice new needle and with a homemade pusher in place I centered it on the mark I made earlier. I won't lie, my hand was shaking, quite a bit. Adrenalin will do that, part of what this is all about. Without that adrenalin rush I think this whole deal would fall rather flat. You just expect it and deal with it. You can calm yourself by breath control and such. Everything ready? Okay, push! Now I have to say this was the only slightly disappointing aspect to this deal. Damn new needle was so sharp, sweet sharp, went right through clean as a whistle. Nice job, but hey I would of liked more sensation to accompany the deed. No doubt I was riding a crest that didn't really allow me to feel all that much, but I guess I like more "feedback".

I took the barbell and stuck it in the end of the needle, pulled needle through and put the end on the barbell. That was the most difficult part of the whole deal. I had a few tries before it dawned on me that one of these ends had hardly any threads. Kind of crappy considering the price I paid, in 1988 dollars at that. Switched ball and then it wasn't hard to finish. Removed forceps and I allowed the flesh to expand over the shaft of the barbell. I spent a little time cleaning up the small amount of blood that came, took some pictures {I was taking pictures all the time, forgot to mention that}. When I was done I used my aroused condition to engage in some further acts of a naughty nature. Yes these kind of things tend to make me both horny and hard. I did a bit of sounding actually, some pictures on my pages under "Sounded like a good idea" were taken then. I then removed the barbell and cleaned up. This was a couple of days ago. It has not been sore, it looks like holes are healing well, they are almost gone except for a small scab on the right side. The only other thing is that I now have a beautiful purple penis. The blood internally has seeped down most of the shaft and made it quite colorful. It won't last but I am enjoying the sight for now. There is a picture of that somewhere on my pages also.