Well, getting a PA has been on my mind for at least 18 months now, and about 3 weeks ago I took the plunge. By this time I had hoped that I would be the classic book nerd armchair expert on PA's - after reading about 2666345453523 experiences, blogs, forum posts, FAQ's, cave paintings... (you get the idea) you'd hope that you'd have a pretty reasonable grasp on what to expect. But, there are some things that people don't tell you.
At A Glance Author anonymous When A month ago Artist Sandy Studio Body Cult Location adelaide, SA I came back home after 4 months away and felt that I needed something new in my life, and it seemed like the best change would be something I've been wanting for a while, so after much surfing, umming, arring and getting over myself, I went into town to go to Body Cult on Rundle St, as it was recommended to me by people who (claim to) know what they're on about.
Thankfully, my first impression was that those guys did know their stuff. The studio was small, neat and intimate, with many a portfolio piece on the wall and a loooooooow ceiling (I had to duck).
So, after doing my best to look nonchalant and not like I was about to explode inside, I cast away all modesty, and mustering what assertiveness I could, I sheepishly asked the girl at the desk if I could talk to someone about getting a PA. I spoke to Sandy for a while and after much ado (think half an hour of me asking stupid questions and generally stalling) I was set and committed.
Courtesy of mega nerves, I went out and killed some time for an hour or so then came back ready & raring to go. Sandy got all the stuff together and shut up shop so people wouldn't come in & interrupt (in theory. Some twat pushed open the door clearly marked "piercing in process – come back in 5 minutes")
Through what we were talking about earlier, we decided on an 18mm diameter 12 ga stainless steel circular barbell. Now, most people go on about how you're supposed to pierce at 10 or 8 gauge for PA's, but 12 ga meant that she could do the piercing 'euro style' – using an angiocath needle with the plastic sheath on, putting that down the pee hole and then shoving the needle from the inside out, instead of doing the whole receiving tube thing.
Well inclined to trust someone with countless experience, as opposed to my complete absence thereof, I dropped my pants, hopped up onto the bed, looked away and breathed deeply. Throughout the procedure, we were chatting on about nothing – I can heartily recommend it for taking your mind off things and getting in a relaxed mindset
Whoever said getting a PA didn't hurt are either superheros or full of crap – or I'm a total pussy. It did hurt. I'd give it a 7 out of 10 – toe curling but not eye watering, and only a bit less painful than a nipple piercing. The good news is, it only lasted about a second before it stops being painful, and more a weird and uncomfortable feeling after that. I had mega heebie jeebies for a while.
I got the good 'ol gauze & rubber glove treatment before gingerly tucking everything back into place, saying a hearty thankyou and walking out like a cowboy – walking around with your legs spread 6 feet apart without looking like a total freak is surprisingly hard.
Initially I didn't bleed at all, and later that night when I took my historic first piss I only had a dot of blood pooled up. Akin to popular experience, pissing did infact (cue thick Scottish accent) Burn Like A Glasgow Bikini Wax!!! After relieving myself and then cleaning thoroughly (ooh that feels good ;) ) I did the largely prescribed sea salt soak, re-gauzed for insurance purposes and went to bed.
The next morning I awoke to a shocking discovery: Morning Glory + Fresh Piercing = Not Cool!!!
It was like I had a period or something – blood had soaked through the gauze, my underwear, the sheets and into the mattress. I also had the pleasant sensation that my knob was about to tear off. I can offer this gem of advice: go number 3's repeatedly before getting a PA. Really. You don't want any sort of backlog of pressure the next day.So, after that 1 thoroughly not cool experience, its been nothing but smooth sailing down there for the last 3 weeks or so, I've figured a way to arrange everything so its pretty comfy, and I'm going back tomorrow to get an 8 ga curved barbell put in.
The best thing? Everybody thinks I'm WeIrD!! Ahh, the joys of making other peoples lives just that little bit more surreal.