At A Glance Author Slowpoke Contact Slowpoke@bme.anon IAM Slowpoke05 When A year ago Artist me Studio my bathroom Location Washington, DC Let me start off by stating that with my apadravyas I now experience significantly more stimulation and sex is noticeably more pleasurable. When I first started researching apadravyas, most of the experiences that mentioned sex emphasized how the girl enjoyed sex with the original jewelry while a few mentioned switching to jewelry with larger balls (note that gauge size only effects your, not her, pleasure). However, every person that I contacted had at least one female partner for whom their apadravyas was a less than ideal fit during sex.
It is quite possible that you will not have any problems with your apadravyas during sex. Should things be less than ideal, it is my hope that the following description of my experience and the suggestions that were made to me will help. Keep in mind that every woman is unique and some seem more sensitive and/or smaller--especially those that have not had children--than others. Therefore, the solution that worked best for me may not work best for you. While it can be a bit frustrating at times, I encourage you to keep experimenting with new techniques and jewelry until you find the combination that works best for both of you.
I'd like to give special thanks to all of those that responded to my plea for advice and especially Chris DB (London, UK) and LastSticker (and his girlfriend) for their suggestions and edits.
Background: My main concern when originally choosing jewelry was my comfort with the length of the barbell shaft. I never considered how the total barbell, including top and bottom balls, would function during sex. I assumed that as long as the total length were smaller than the crown of the glans than either she'd be fine or I'd just "go slower" and give her time to adjust. However, I forgot to consider that the glans are very malleable and even when fully erect can be squeezed a bit to better fit her vagina.
Personally, my girlfriend felt the most noticeable improvement during sex when I used shallow strokes and the top ball rubbed near her g-spot. However, once I get in my rhythm I tend to use deep thrusts causing one of the balls to bump and rub against her cervix. This contact from the ball feels pleasurable and under normal, "manual," stimulation this would be fine. However, with the speed of the thrusts the ball is applying a much greater force using a significantly smaller surface area than a finger and is more likely to irritate her cervix. Compounding this is the fact that the cervix does not have many pain sensors (a handy fact that makes child birth more bearable), which means she is unlikely to feel any negative side effects if the barbell starts to chafe her cervix.
Even if the barbell irritates the cervix enough to cause it to bleed, not that difficult if you have sex for more than 10 minutes, the lack of pain sensors means that not only won't hurt but is very likely to feel good. It was this fact that originally confused me as aside from insertion (the barbell could be tricky at times) there wasn't a specific moment that "I did something wrong" and it hurt. In fact, it wasn't till afterwards when there was a small amount of blood that I realized there was a problem (using a speculum you could actually see the abrasion on her cervix).
Thus, there were two issues I needed to improve in order to make sex more enjoyable for her. The first was insertion, and the second was finding a way she could enjoy the benefits of an apadravyas as much as I do.
Insertion: I'm still working on figuring this part out as it is more a matter of practice and finesse but there are some things to consider. I know that when inserting a speculum they warn that the top of the vagina (closer to her urethra) is the most sensitive. Additionally, you're supposed to "build a platform" by using one of two fingers to applying gentle traction to the bottom and can actually stretch the opening enough that you can insert the speculum comfortably at about a 45 degree angle (top between 1-2 and bottom between 7-8 on a clock). I haven't been able to go in at an angle but it does seem easier to get the top ball in and then roll/slide/wiggle the rest of the head in. Maybe this gives the top ball the "easiest" entry and allows the more difficult second ball to be on the bottom where she is less sensitive.
Just to state the obvious, a water based lubricant (like KY) is my new best friend: Even if she is dripping wet it doesn't hurt to use some extra lube. Also, I always have to be careful to avoid abrupt movements when inserting the barbell and I've found gentle/constant pressure to be most effective. Keep in mind that every girl is unique and even if you've found a technique that works, it may not be the best method for her. So, don't be afraid to try something different on occasion: Perhaps change the angle or position you use when first inserting it. Alternatively, if she feels up for it, try having her on top and see how she gets it in.
Once fully healed, it never hurt me to get the barbell in but even months later I still had to be cautious about hurting her if I went to fast. Be aware that it can be just as intimidating and frustrating for her to try and figure out insertion or even offer suggestions other than "that hurts" or "huh, weird, it didn't hurt that time." Note that the more nervous she gets, the harder it is for her to relax (or get fully aroused/dripping wet), and the more difficult insertion will be. If she is at all hesitant or uncomfortable about the piercing don't force the issue. I'd recommend being cautious, at least at first, and really making sure she is relaxed and, if possible, literally dripping before trying to get it in. If in doubt, a little extra attention can't hurt things and will help compensate for any discomfort during insertion.
Finally, once you've finished your business again keep in mind that the top part is most sensitive and that most women can't comfortably slide both the top and bottom balls in or out at the same time. Sometimes I pull out while still semi hard by sliding down a bit and angling my hips so that one ball at a time comes out. Other times I wait till completely soft and just let it naturally slide out; this can take several minutes but she likes to cuddle and eventually it slides out on its own.
Customizing my apadravyas jewelry to better suit her needs: After a bit of research, it quickly became apparent that while the barbell was the perfect length for me, it was way too long for her. After consulting with several other guys that have apadravyas the following four options were suggested:
The first, and what seems like the most popular suggestion by women judging by the experiences I've read, was to simply take the barbell out during sex. Even though I've had this piercing for about a year now I was still worried about removing the jewelry for any period of time. This fear proved true when after a 20 minutes sample test under simulated sex conditions the hole seemed "stuck together" Perhaps I was a bit nervous, but I really had to work to get the barbell back through and started to freak out when it suddenly popped through less than 20 seconds later. While reinserting the jewelry didn't hurt and the piercing wasn't all that irritated afterwards (maybe a little redness but nothing unusual) I'm not anxious to try taking it out for actual sex.
Next, it was suggested I wear condoms as the condom helps smooth the transition over and more evenly distributes the friction. I've actually done this in the past and while it is an improvement, it is not guaranteed to end the problem. Also, condoms reduce my stimulation which was one of the main reasons I got an apadravyas in the first place.
Getting back to reducing the total barbell size, the third suggestion was to reduce the size of the barbell shaft. Since the glans are so malleable it's been suggested that I could reduce the shaft length by up to 1/4 an inch so that the glans wrap a bit around the balls. While a bit tight for me, I wouldn't be wearing the shorter barbell all the time and unless I'm concentrating on it, I couldn't really notice much of a difference.
Another possible solution to reducing the total barbell length is to get a barbell with non-spherical balls. There seem to be three varieties to choose from: Half ball or halfdome, M&M shaped, and perfectly flat septum disks. Half balls are rather self explanatory: Think the normal ball cut in half with slightly rounded edges. M&M shaped ball tips sound like a flatter and wider ball with a softer curve, larger surface area, and lower clearance than a sphere or half sphere. This seems like an ideal solution as a larger ball on top may help spread the surface area to be more like a finger; I just haven't yet found them online. As for disks, I may eventually try them but it just seems like there should at least be some transition on the top, I mean what if I catch an edge? Regardless, I'd be able to get the same 1/4 inch reduction (or more) in total barbell size while maintaining the shaft length I find most comfortable.
Note that "the closeness of the top ball creates an oxygen-free zone which anaerobic bacteria love" and a flat or tighter jewelry only increased this zone. Found in the mouth, vagina, and gut; anaerobic bacteria in piercings help process the dead skin cells yet release all kinds of noxious stuff (FYI: anaerobic bacteria help give the vagina its distinctive odor). Therefore, increasing the contact area with the entrance and exit holes and may pose a bit of a personal hygiene issue for healed piercings, especially shaft apadravyas whose top ball is usually cupped by the coronal-ridge, and may increase the chance of infection in new piercings. However, and I plan to only wear this jewelry for brief periods of time (changing it in for sex if you will) and will thoroughly wash up afterwards.
Also, I had quite a few discussions on whether shorter barbells or larger balls would be the ideal jewelry during sex. Arguably, larger balls help spread the force from the apadravyas over a larger area (more like a finger) and thus eliminate the chafing issue while still providing extra stimulation. Alternatively, a shorter barbell may reduce the total force exerted (even though the smaller balls distributed this force over a smaller area) and thus fix the chafing yet be more of a pre-apadravyas sex experience for her. In the end, it all comes down to what she finds most comfortable and works best for her as either way the apadravyas feels awesome for me.
A female perspective: When suggesting non-spherical barbell ends to be inserted in such a sensitive area my girlfriend's and other women's response seems to universally be, "Oh My God NO!" From others, I've heard that any pain caused from insertion eventually turned into a bearable, and eventually pleasurable, oddity. This experience is similar to it to the first times women have sex: Unless they start early with insertion masturbation, most women experience pain the first dozen or so times. However, their vaginal walls learn to relax, they enjoy the sensation of insertion, rather than feeling like the body is simply being invaded, and after time it becomes pleasurable. Therefore, instead of potentially problematic half-balls, she suggested using round barbell tips and some good lubrication.
I have to agree that with the potentially sharp right angles she has a right to be worried as unless you have it very firmly against the glans you risk getting it caught. Unfortunately, it is not the insertion so much as the chafing to her cervix that is the main concern and I think shorter total length jewelry will help. To help minimize the risks, I ordered a custom length barbell and will only use the half balls if they are a very good fit. Additionally, I plan to take it slow and use a lubricated condom in an effort to both smooth the transition and make things as pleasurable as possible for her.
My jewelry: I currently wear a 10 gauge, 1 inch titanium barbell with 1/4 inch balls. This barbell is slightly snug when erect yet doesn't pinch and is loose enough to be comfortable when flaccid (seems to have a small fraction of slack below the bottom ball most of the time) but is not long enough to stick out and get caught (my 1 and 1/8 inch barbell had this problem).
I had to search quite a bit to find "half ball" barbells in larger gauge sizes. In the end I felt most comfortable ordering a 15/16 inch straight barbell with stainless half 3/16 inch balls from bodycircle.com (http://www.bodycircle.com/merchant.ihtml?pid=40&lastcatid=6&step=4). It was rather expensive but they actually had the jewelry in stock and it shipped out the same day I ordered.
As a backup option I also ordered 7/8 and 3/4 inch barbells from Unimax (cheap, fast shipping, and decent quality). Also, I'm still looking for M&M balls as all of the sites I normally order from have either not heard of these or do not carry them. BME has requested the M&M shaped balls but Anatometal does not currently offer them as replacement balls or as part of 8ga or 10ga barbells
My experience: Previously, if we had sex for more than 15 minutes and I wasn't extremely cautious about using shallow strokes there would usually be some chafing to her cervix, a few spots of blood afterwards, and some discomfort if we tried to do it again the next day. It was suggested that the "problem" may go away if I could shave about 1/4 of an inch off the total length and that "to a vagina, this is huge difference!" However, through a combination of a slightly shorter shaft, smaller diameter balls (3/16 vs. 1/4), and half balls I was actually able to save 3/8 of an inch off the total barbell length.
I was pleasantly surprised that all of my new jewelry arrived within 4 days of ordering. Testing out the half balls, I found that by since the shaft was 1/16 of an inch shorter than normal, the half balls fit quite snuggly yet still didn't pinch and I felt comfortable enough to suggest we try them out. However, the half balls did seem to have quite an edge and I quickly agreed to use a lubricated condom and go extra slow at first, "just in case"
Wow, the new jewelry is amazing! Honestly, I can't tell a difference in my level of pleasure between the new and old jewelry. However, I no longer have to worry about going too deep/fast/long and this weekend we were able to have sex five days in a row without any complications or chafing. True, we were using lubricated condoms with extra lube most of the time, but the improvement was immediate, noticeable, and well worth the cost of the new jewelry.
One last thing; I just want to reiterate that every girl is unique and many do not have any problems. For me a shorter barbell with more lube seemed to work best. Another correspondent related that his girlfriend actually preferred a longer barbell with small balls, rather than the short one with large balls he'd assumed would be appropriate. Therefore I extremely discourage you from fixating on one type of jewelry or technique you think will "work best" Instead, keep experimenting until you find a combination that works best for both of you.