Since the death of my grandfather, I've isolated myself from social situations and have recently begun to experience frequent panic attacks. I have been told that there was the possibility of me having an anxiety disorder, but I have refused the test because I know that my parents would first resort to medication, and I wanted to at least try to calm myself without the need of a prescription pill.
At A Glance Author Allison When Three months ago My friend Brad and I were on our way to visit a friend of his in one of the newer neighborhoods in Whitby. We were invited in by her father, and stood in the hall awaiting her arrival. His friend, Tina finally arrived downstairs after applying her make up and fixing her hair (not to say she was vain) and I, far from appearing confident and extroverted, awkwardly introduced myself. She had two lip rings, a monroe, a nose ring and a tongue ring, and almost as soon as she saw Brad, she proudly announced that she finally had gotten her nipples pierced. We sat on her front porch, and throughout their conversations I remained quiet, intimidated by the presence of someone new. She had told us that she was to hand in her resume to a tattoo and piercing studio in downtown Oshawa, and was getting a ride with her friend Mellisa. She invited us along, and we accepted, seeing as there wasn't much things worth doing in Whitby other than going to the mall (which me and Brad saw as a bore). Mellisa also had multiple modifications: several earrings both in the cartilage and lobes, snakebites, a labret, tongue, nipples, a tiny jewelled nose stud, and a starry landscape tattooed on her chest.
Now apparently, Mellisa had a failed piercing effort the day before when Tina attempted to pierce her septum. She had aimed too high, and Mellisa, unsatisfied with the results, had taken out the horseshoe. We continued through the day, and in the evening, Mellisa suggested that we repeat the process and try again. By this point, I had been welcomed by these girls and I grew to admire their charismatic personalities. I envied their fearless attitudes, and wished that I too could be able to communicate with people as easily as they seemed to.
Tina had all the necessary equipment in her room: sterilized needles, rubber gloves, clamps, rubbing alcohol etc. I sat by Mellisa as Tina pushed the needle through the center of her nose. She only cringed slightly and sighed at the entry of the needle. At last content with the position of her piercing, she recalled the moment of first discovering her fascination with body modification. Tina disposed of the needle, cotton balls and rubber gloves and abruptly turned to me asking "You didn't want anything pierced did you?". I hadn't wanted anymore facial piercings (I had my right nostril and labret done) but I did appeal to the idea of getting another piercing. Brad half-sarcastically remarked that I should get my nipple pierced, as it could be easily hidden from my parents. Me and my mother have always been close. I could confess any secret to her that I wasn't too proud of, and she'd never condemn me for my actions, as long as I had learned from my mistakes. We could openly discuss the topic of sex or drugs, and she would never show any uneasiness, but I wanted at least one secret to keep to myself. After reflecting on those thoughts, I figured that my mom would be slightly concerned with the possibility of infection, but not the notion of having a piece of jewellery in my nipple. Tina and Mellisa encouraged me, claiming it to be of minimal pain. I prepared for the piercing, but me and the girls all agreed that Brad should sit in the corner with a clothes hamper on his head to prevent him from seeing me topless (not that Brad was strangely perverted or anything, but I'd be alot more comfortable if he weren't to see). I lay down on the bed, and pretty much just waited to be marked and cleaned. Tina took out another sterile needle, and arranged the clamp. I took a deep breath and was advised not to watch as it may panic me. There were no problems getting the needle through, but there was a fair amount of difficulty of feeding the barbell through. After a bit of annoyance at the trouble, the process was finished.
I thanked them both, and left for home. The after pain was tolerable and I remained with my secret for only a day. My mother had walked in on me in the bathroom while cleaning it. As if to repress the thought of her daughter getting her nipple pierced, she told me it was unlikely to get breast cancer at my age, believing that I had been giving myself a breast examination. I later confessed to getting the piercing and she said "I figured that because I saw those blood stains on the inside of your bra when you threw it into the laundry..." So as I predicted, she showed to disappointment at me getting a nipple piercing, she only expressed worry of a spreading infection.
I have learned to control my anxiety in social situations and I still have the occasional panic attack, but it is barely severe when compared to my earlier anxious episodes. This success was all accomplished with the support and encouragement from my friends and family, and my nipple piercing has partially added to a healthier attitude towards myself.