At A Glance
Author	Kimberley/Brian
Contact	Kimberley/Brian@bme.anon
When	A month ago
Artist	Will (something)
Studio	World Domination Ink
Location	Kitchener, ON

There is a hole in my nose.

My septum, to be exact.

I waited months to ensure this was what I wanted. I let a stranger put his fingers up my nose. I paid a man I barely knew to sit in a chair and have him shove a hollow needle through that little flap of skin right below the cartilage; to feel my eyes fill with stinging tears at the white-hot pain as he slid that razor-sharp tool through the clamps and through my nose, to wince as he slid the jewellery in afterward. I signed the waiver, I paid him, and I shook his hand afterward, dizzy from the adrenaline rush. I memorized the aftercare instructions before I'd even gotten the piercing, anticipating the worst (which never came, and hopefully never will. It has been five weeks). I blew bubbles in salt water and swabbed with q-tips and stared down the elderly on the subway and I am consistently faced with the same questions or statements:

"Did it hurt?" "It's not very pretty." "Why would you do that to yourself?"

First off, I didn't do it to myself. I paid someone else to do it to me. As for whether or not it hurt: Yes. It was a deliciously sharp, sweet-hot electric pain that ran from the impact point of the needle to my eyes, causing two large tears to appear and roll languorously down my face. After that initial second, a dull throb manifested itself over the next two days. I learned quickly to blow my nose, as the same day I got a bit of a cold. The pain was all but gone after a week, though five weeks in the area is still tender.

So it's not very "pretty". It's "masculine", even. True, the septum piercing was never traditionally meant for females. However, I tend to shrug at gender signifiers, not being a particular fan of thinking of others or myself in gendered terms. I did not get this piercing to be pretty. However, I have never and probably never will see myself as pretty. The metal in my septum will not change that. I find that on others, this piercing adds a charming fierceness and serves to highlight any unusual or striking features. It is not a feature unto itself. I have difficulty seeing any of this beauty in myself, piercing or no. I imagine that my feelings about the aesthetic value of my piercing will change once I have slightly more flattering jewellery, but my intentions with this piercing were not in the realm of that highly fickle creature known as "beauty".

Now as for "Why".

This year, intended to be my last and most triumphant year in high school, has been full of nothing but trouble. Coupled with the difficulties of dealing with my own illness (both physical and otherwise), I have been struggling with financial stresses, family issues, and all sorts of other lovely things. I have been trying to build myself up from a breakdown, only to fall again. Now what does all this have to do with the bit of surgical stainless steel protruding from my nose?

Everything.

On an emotional level, the pain of the piercing was a reminder that pain is short-lived. Suffering is temporary, and what is important are the lessons learned during the experience. I am still learning, but as I learn, this piercing symbolizes that reminder: Pain fades. The memory is there, but it is only a memory. Sure, something might hurt right now, but I need to look beyond it to better things. I will stop hurting. I must endure.

Its placing, rather in the centre of my nose which is in the centre of my face to me symbolizes balance and peace, both things which I struggle to find.

Which brings me to the inherent (though rather cliched) symbolic imagery this piercing contains: Both the bull and the warrior. To me, the bull imagery that this piercing is so often linked with reminds me again of the obstinacy and perseverance that I must exhibit to muddle through harder times. In reading about the oldest uses of this piercing, I learned about many tribes who would pierce their warriors in this way. The septum piercing is a painful-looking one, adding a fierce accent to one's face. Again this serves as a physical reminder of a concept: I must be strong, fierce, and determined. I must persevere. I must fight.

This piercing does not make me a warrior. It does not make me strong. But it serves as a reminder of the strength I must find within myself to become who I need to be. A reminder that though it may seem like I've lost everything, and that my dreams have been torn asunder, this pain is merely a fleeting illusion, and with a great deal of work, I will move past it. And past it I will perhaps emerge from my iron maiden cocoon and find peace, an imago at last.