On Saturday, March 23 of 2003, I ventured to Bonobo Experience Piercing to get my ears cut. My wife had gotten her ears done about 2 weeks prior to mine. As she explained it, she "didn't feel a thing," and "it was over before she knew it."
At A Glance Author Threethreethree Contact three_cubed@hotmail.com When A week ago I really tried to play the bad ass upon entering the shop, and for that I should have won an Academy Award.
Straun, the piercer, had asked prior to ordering the jewelry if I wanted to use any anesthetic to ease me through the process. My testicles were saying, "nah... I can take the pain." Luckily for me I decided to go with the more logical response of, "hell yes."
As I sat down to begin the process, Straun began to explain that the anesthetic he was going to use was the same as that which the dentist uses when he/she performs minor oral surgery. I had an instant flashback to the removal of my wisdom teeth. I had 17 shots of anesthetic in the roof and side of my mouth that day, and I felt every jaw-rocking moment of it. This did not set well with me. Generally I'm honest when it comes to my true fears or emotions in any given situation, and this was no exception. I probably stated, "I'm so scared" and "I'm such a pussy," about 64,000 times. As Straun injected the needle, I tried to think of my wife, or my son, or anything that what was about to happen. After the injection, Straun started to poke at my earlobe with the needle... and continued to do so for a good while. This was a good sign, considering I had no clue he was doing so until I felt the blood trickling onto my neck. Rock on.
With a bit more confidence in the situation, I straightened my back and prepared for the cutting. This wasn't like going from ½ inch to 5/8 or anything. You see, this was my first ear piercing ever. I went from no holes to ¾ in one night. Straun drew a little circle on each ear. I thought upon going into this that he would make a cut in my ear and stretch the hole. Well... the hole part was right. I looked in the mirror to find that he would be removing a whole chunk from my ear which was a little bit larger than a pea. This was where I began Churning of the Stomach: Round 1.
As Straun grasped my right ear with his tongs of doom, I noted that I indeed could still feel nothing at all. He started to cut. The twisting and nausea in my stomach kicked up a notch. You see my wife did tell me that she didn't feel a thing, and that's very true. She did NOT however tell me about the noise. Back and forth the scalpel went. Then it hit me. This wasn't like a tattoo, where I can turn my head and gaze off, sometimes forgetting about what was happening. This guy was actually cutting off a part of my friggin' ear. The sound of a turkey being carved rang in my ear. Back and forth, up and down. Next the sound was paired with the imagery in my head of what he was doing. Things were not good. It took a good minute or so before I realized that there was a river of blood trickling down my neck and onto my chest. I don't know if even Straun realized it, but the intensity of the situation – the sawing noise, the flowing blood, the gaudy imagery – caused me t o black out. In and out I went. I don't know how many times I lost my grip in those few moments, but I'm sure it was many. In one of my moments of consciousness I asked, "Hey man, what's the largest you've ever taken someone's ears in one sitting?" The timing of his answer was impeccable.
"Oh, this is the largest I've ever taken someone at once... ¾ from nothing," he said, just as he began to run the taper through my ear. I didn't realize he had finished the first side and was now stretching the hole. My thoughts shifted from carving turkey to my ear ripping out. Here came the nausea again. I don't care how much anesthetic you have pal, nothing can stop the feeling of your ear going from a little hole to ¾ inch in just a couple seconds. I wanted nothing more than to just die or pass out again. I even contemplated getting out of the chair and quitting. Imagine that... walking out with just one ear done. I can't say there were any complications until the point that he went to put my hollow plugs in.
Once the taper pushed through Straun inserted the first of my titanium, screw-on backed, hallow plugs. Fit in like a glove. A very tight, bloody, cold, glove.
"Ah man this sucks," he said. "Your ear is too swollen; I can't get the back to screw on."
This being my first time with such a piercing, I started to get all freaked. Coming to the rescue, Straun ran to the front of the shop and grabbed a pretty kickin' set of Lucite plugs. "I'll just give you these," he said as he popped the first one in. A wave of relief washed over me.
Getting up, I felt the river of blood gushing down my chest and onto my stomach. I tried to play cool once again, but I obviously staggered around the room. I walked over to the mirror and took a look. It was exactly as I had hoped it would look. My insane fears quickly faded. I didn't want him to stop at this point; I absolutely had to get the other ear done... the first one looked too damn awesome.
I took a quick break, drank some water, smoked a cigarette, and hopped back in the chair. The second ear went surprisingly fast. As a matter of fact, I didn't even get queasy the second time around. After a couple minutes, the second plug was in and I was all good to go. Straun cleaned me up and sent me on my way... still staggering as I left the shop.
My wife and I jumped in the car and headed home. The entire trip was encompassed by me continuously looking into the mirror to see the new work. I couldn't have been more pleased.
My wife dropped me off and headed to the store. I walked into the apartment feeling big as shit. I ever-so vaguely flaunted my new wares in front of our roommate. "I rule," was pretty much all that was going through my head.
I had to go into the bathroom and check out my stuff. Looking into the mirror, I saw my new plugs for the first time in really good light. And there they were; freshly cut earlobes. The skin and flesh so stretched it looked as though it could burst at any second. The light taking on a deep maroon color as it passed through the Lucite. Blood ran down both sides of my head as though I'd been shot at point blank. It was beautiful... so beautiful in fact that I dropped to my knees and vomited for a good 15 minutes. As I said before, I am such a pussy.